The Affair
by Nigihayami Haruko
Summary: [Complete Epilogue Up] One teacher, one student. A forbidden love, against the societal rules. Yet love can never hide beneath rules and regulations, it smothers and smokes, entwining the two. Years later, will they find each other again? EK
1. Chapter I: The Beginning

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. Still, the words are mine, so I'd really appreciate it if you don't steal it. **  
  


  
The Affair  
  


  
_He came to me that night. A simple meeting of two souls, one running away from the normalcy of everyday life, another simply trying to escape from the cold hiding in her soul. I never knew who he really was until he unveiled his face in the moonlight. Our hands reached out for each other in tandem with the hidden beating of our hearts. We have been waiting for each other all this while. We should have known that such a tugging can never be denied._  
  
"... what is the magnitude of the force?"  
  
I could feel his stare on me, a kind of beacon through the dreary day that was starting to turn for the better. His eyes never left mine even as my eyes were in turn bearing themselves down at the words that were starting to blur. It did not really matter anyway because I never knew what they meant in the first place. Every curve was the tilt of his head, every line an outline of his lucious lips... If only he knew what my thoughts were! But risking a glance at him, faced with his smouldering orbs, I think he did.  
  
"The answer is 50 kN."  
  
The girl in front spoke up, breaking my train of thought as I silently cursed her. He had broken our link, looking down at his book in false consternation, unwilling for anyone else to realise where his thoughts and glances really belonged to. Smirking slightly to myself, I continued reading the next question.  
  
"Class, try the next few questions by yourself."  
  
It was a terse kind of stillness that fell upon the class as they concentrated on the work that they were given. They could not see it, nor feel it, but with every breath that he takes, we escape. Closing our eyes in unison, I can feel these invisible threads linking us, binding us to each other. We pass each other, his coat brushing me as I breath in his scent. It belongs to me.  
  
But we were the only ones who knew that.  
  
Quietly, a pieces of paper catches my eye as I return to my seat. He had left it earlier on my table. Tilting my head slowly at his corner, I nonchalantly glanced at the rest of the class to feign boredom or consternation, all the while hoping to lock his gaze. He knows. Smiling slightly at me, he nods his head, then drops his gaze to the piece of plain paper on my table. Opening it up, I read the few words that belongs to him, the neat simple strokes defining who he was.  
  
  
**_Tonight, at the pavilion._**  
  
  
*Tsuzuku*  
  
A/N: Hm. Yes, I'm writing another series, despite the fact that _Eternity and a Day_ is still uncompleted. This one is mostly written out already, since I've posted it on my blog and decided to add a little RK flavour to it. Roughly one or two more chapters on my draft and I'll be done, so you can expect a weekly posting. All in all, I'm up to chapter 5 now, so it should be 6-7 chapters, probably 7, since I'm having so much fun with it. Ooooh, scandalous affairs!  
  
~Haruko 


	2. Chapter II: The Pavilion

The Affair II: The Pavilion  
  
Gloomy shadows met me as I slowly made my way to our rendesvous point. I was nervous, taking my time, knowing that he won't be there even if I was. He was always later than me. Always. Makes me wonder why it seems that I'm the one who's chasing him when he's always one step behind.  
  
Reaching the pavilion, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Cool air entered my stuffed lungs as I exhaled my frustrations away.   
  
This was the reason why I had to come.  
  
To feel that I wasn't alone, to feel that the world was at my feet, to feel...  
  
Strong, supply arms found their way round me as I was pushed into a hard, streamlined body. Warm breaths found their way to my ear as he hugged me tightly, whispering my name over and over again like a mantra he never wants to forget. I leaned back, wanting to crush myself into him. To lose my flesh, my blood, my bones and to meld into him... to become one forever.   
  
Breathing in his scent, I released the breaths of exhaustion from my weary limbs. He was all the strength I needed.  
  
"'Nishi," I whispered, "You're here." All the while smiling to myself at that revelation.   
  
He was here for me now. I didn't need forever, forever doesn't exist. But _now,_ _now_ can last forever, if I just close my eyes and believe, and make it so. _Now _is forever in my reach.  
  
"I told you I'd be, didn't I?" His voice, gruff with emotions unexplained and undecipherable, simply flowed through me as he clutched onto me tighter than before, if it was even possible. "You know I'd never say a word I don't mean."  
  
Grinning, I held onto his hands as I spun out of his embrace to face him, our hands still linking us, like two dancers waiting in position for the music to start.  
  
"Oh really?" He arched an elegant eyebrow at my teasing words. Smirking slightly, he took a step towards me as though daring me to take a step backwards. But I was no fool. Who would step away from someone like him? Who _could_?  
  
"Are you calling me a liar, **ma'am**?" His voice dropped to a merely whisper as his eyes spoke volumes of the thoughts that were running through his mind. Thoughts that only I had the code to break. This young boy did not realise the extent to which I knew him and he belonged to me. But that did not matter. _Now_ was all that did.  
  
"Would I dare?" Standing my ground, the sardonic grin on my face only widened at his stance. This was a challenge I was willing to see to the end.   
  
"So do you believe what I said?" He cocked his head to the side, sizing me up, looking for weaknesses in my defence, a game we started playing since this affair began.   
  
**Attack.**  
  
"That would depend on what you're saying."  
  
**Hold your defense.**  
  
"What if I said..."  
  
**Keep your enemy guessing to the last minute.  
**  
"... that I..."  
  
**Never let your defense or attack have the possibility of being counter-attacked.  
**  
"... love you?"  
  
Somehow, the music has started playing, but the dance was long forgotten.  
  
*Tsuzuku*  
  
A/N: A little note to all the reviewers, please leave your email address behind if you've not signed on with ff.net so I can send you replies for your reviews as I do NOT like to leave my replies on each chapter. I feel that it's too impersonal ne? So next time you review, please don't forget to leave behind your address!   
  
Alright, about this chapter, not much to say really, although this is already the second chapter, it's only in the next chapter that the true 'action' begins (and it gets lenghtier) so please endure. Have fun! and don't forget to review. ^_^  
  
~Haruko 


	3. Chapter III: Of Confessions and Lessons

The Affair III: Of Confession and Lessons  
  
_"What if I told you... that I... love you?"_  
  
I was in trouble.  
  
Sighing, I stared out of the class window, trying to discern what the shadows meant. Some looked like the silhoutte of his face as he was laughing, others made me think of his eyes, glowing in the darkness, filled with... something darker. Somehow this game has gotten out of hand.   
  
And to think that I thought I was in control all this while.  
  
Snorting at my own foolishness and self-righteousness, I continued staring out the window. I needed to run away. Far from this place. Needed to get away. I couldn't see him, I can't face him. Not now, not when he has forgotten the rules, thrown them to the wind.   
  
_How could I have allowed this to happen?_  
  
  
_"You wanted to see me?"  
  
His voice thick with boredom and slight amusement. Not many teachers would bother with him this way. They would recognise him, or at least his prestigious 'Yukishiro' name. The name of the most powerful man in school. That was always enough to get him out of trouble.   
  
But not this time.  
  
"I'd like to know why you're handing in shoddy work! What is the meaning of this??"  
  
Pointing at the paper in front of me, the immaculate yet messy handwriting sprawled out on the sheet like a disease inhabiting every corner of his work.   
  
"What kind of answer is this??"  
  
It was evident that he held the answers in his brain. He wasn't a stupid nor lazy boy. Far from it. A natural in any field that he applies his mind to, he simply did not find a reason to study, not while he was this brilliant.   
  
"This answer? What's wrong with it **ma'am**? 'Name one naturally occurring force'."  
  
"Exactly." I bit the word out more forcefully than I intended, but what was I to do? It was obvious that he was baiting me, but being the young and brash teacher that I was, I could not help but want to smack him into submission. I deserved respect dammit!  
  
"I don't see a problem **ma'am**."  
  
There it was again. That infuriating title that he gave me. To all the other students, they would simply call me 'Miss. Kamiya' but to him, it was always **ma'am**, as though I was some haughty old geezer. Bristling every so slightly at his degrading moniker for me, I took a deep breath before my temper reared its ugly head.  
  
"Maybe the problem lies in the fact that -your- answer to 'Name one naturally occurring force' is 'Sexual Attraction'??"  
  
Smirking, he inched closer to me, closer than any other student or man has ever done before, closer so that I can smell his natural masculine scent, and feel his breath on my cheek as my own quicken unconciously to his action.   
  
"Well, maybe your problem is that you don't realise that it's the correct answer, **ma'am**."  
  
Pushing him away from me, I shook my head slowly to dissipate the fog that he placed on it with his close proximity. I refused to allow any student of mine to get an upper hand over me. Especially not a devilish seducer who has not even reached the legal age to consume alcohol.  
  
"Hn." I glared at him, appalled and disapproving of his actions. "Next thing I know, you'll be saying that gyrating bodies is due to the natural pull of gravity and the moon, isn't it?"  
  
Taking one step closer to me, he engulfed my slight form with his larger frame as he stopped his advancement only when he has pushed me against the wall. One muscular yet slim hand shot out from his side to effectively trap me. He bent his head down to meet my shocked eyes with his own gleaming ones.   
  
"Wow, ma'am, I should have known you were so... knowledgeable. It's always the uptight ones most in need of... company, isn't it."_  
  
  
I choked back a giggle at that memory, mostly of the pained shout that reverberated throughout the empty classroom when I kneed him in the groin after that disrespectful, innuendo-filled comment.   
  
"Taught you a lesson, didn't I?" I spoke out to the empty classroom, grinning at that memory of our first encounter.  
  
"You sure did, **ma'am**. But isn't that your job?"  
  
Whipping my head around, who else was it but him? He always had the uncanny ability to seek me out everytime I'm thinking of him. It's almost as though he could hear my thoughts, delve into my heart and spoke to my soul. -He just knew-.   
  
"Class is long over, what are you doing here?" I was careful to avoid looking at everything else but him. One look in his eyes, just one peek into his orbs and I knew I would be gone. Swept away by the avalanche of emotions that hid beneath his liquid shield.   
  
But he would have none of that.  
  
"Nothing, looking for you."  
  
He casually walked towards me, his book bag slung over his shoulder as he nonchalantly sauntered to my desk, plopping himself on my paper-scattered table, as I grimaced at his closeness.  
  
With him so close, how was I to concentrate from running away?  
  
_Concentrate! Focus! You have years of experience and sheer determination over him!_  
  
Steeling myself, I looked up at him, fully prepared to battle all the way, to the gory, blood-filled, carcass-piled, corpse-strewned ending if need be.  
  
**_Concentrate!_**  
  
He leaned closer to me, as though drinking the sight of me in.  
**  
_Focus!_**  
  
A grin tugged at the corner of his lip at the vision of me sitting so rigidly, quite like our first meeting.  
**  
_You can do it!_**  
  
Stretching his hand to cup the back of my head, he pulled me in so close I could feel his breath on me. It was as though we were sharing the same air.  
  
_You can..._  
  
Spellbound, I merely allowed him to do what he wished. He always got his way anyway, it wasn't really...  
  
_... do..._  
  
...my fault that he was...  
  
_...it._  
  
... kissing me.  
  
And so, despite the warning bells sounding out, ringing as though hell itself has risen an army in my mind, I ignored it. How hard was it when someone so gorgeous, so brilliant, so perfect is holding you?  
  
I was in trouble indeed.  
  
~Tsuzuku~  
  
A/N: I hope that this is what you're expecting, the length is decidedly longer, which I hope is to the satisfaction of some reviewers. The next few chapters are going to be a tad angsty, but not as much as my previous stories. This fic started out rather like a joke to me, to be honest. I merely wanted to delve into the relationships between teachers and students, but somehow, it came alive, making me sit up and take it seriously. Can't really be helped, that's why it can be seen ( I hope ) that the tone of the story would end up more serious and darker, matching with the mood and emotions of the characters. As usual, please review, we all know that authors thrive on those more than anything else in the world!  
  
~Haruko 


	4. Chapter IV: She Walks In Beauty

The Affair IV: She Walks In Beauty  
  


  
She was probably the only woman I could ever love. As presumptuous and ludicrous as this may sound, its distance from the truth would be about as close as my heart is to my ribcage, the same heart that has learnt to recognise her, and beat for her.   
  
Never in a million years would I have thought myself a romantic. But something in her reminds me of a symphony. Have you ever heard an instrument playing solo, sounding so lost, so alone all by itself? Then another instrument joined in, they have a duet, and somehow, they don't sound so lost anymore? And once more, another and another instrument added themselves to the piece, weaving a veil so thick, so peaceful, so enchanting that you find yourself wanting to fall right there and then if only the music could be played forever?   
  
She. She's my symphony.  
  
In my world, there was only one instrument. Only me. Loneliness held no meaning to me because without any companions before, how would you ever know what you're missing?   
  
I never learnt until then.  
  


  
_The wood shavings fell onto the floor piece by piece, floating like a leaf through the wind, if only I would look at it. But I didn't. I was too intent on the piece of wood in my hand. It was coming to life and I would not stop until it has found its potential, until it has become what it was meant to be in my hands.  
  
Slowly, a nose took shape, then a forehead, and some hair, it was coming to life in these callused fingers of mine and I could not stop the vague sense of pride that was bubbling in me.   
  
Staring out at the sunset that was bleeding hues of red all over the land, I allowed my mind to drift freely. Today was already coming to an end, and there was no reason for me to reminisce nor lament. Everyday was the same to me. Turning my attention back to the wood in my hands, I realised that it was starting to look dimly like someone I knew. It had to be a she for no one in school was allowed to have long hair, despite the fact that the figure in my hands had a bow-tie.   
  
But I didn't allow myself to ponder on that. I had to continue. Everytime I start carving, nothing else comes to mind. All I can see is the brown block in my hand, and my fingers deftly creating shape from nothing. Not even my mind is at work. Like musicians who play from the heart, not thinking about the melodies that their soul is creating, I empty my mind, giving it the peace that it neither gain from school nor rest.   
  
My mind a vacuum, I simply kept at my work. I did not need to see, for there was nothing to see, did not need to feel, because it was hidden for so long.   
  
I simply carved._  
  
  


  
Fingering the figure on my shelf, I smiled softly at the blatant emotions I had lain bare that evening. That evening while carving, that same evening I went to her at the pavilion. Sometimes I wish I could take back those words, squeeze it the way I wanted to squeeze my sister each time I saw her. But like those words, my sister was never going to return. It didn't matter anymore though, I had her. She belonged to me the way my sister never could.   
  
I withdrew my hand when a sharp pain laced through it. Looking curiously yet detached at my finger, it saw it rapidly coated with blood. Morbidly fascinated, I sucked the bitter-sweet liquid imagining that it was not in my mouth but hers. She would kiss it better. She was my nurse, my balm to everything that was and was not, could and could not be.   
  
But she was getting scared, that I knew. Staring at the figurine on my shelf, seeing the smile that looked so much like hers grace its wooden face, I tried not to think about how long its been since I've last seen her smile that way to me. She seemed so carefree the first time I saw her, what happened? Have I destroyed that? Have I killed her happiness?  
  
"Hey..."  
  


  
_All I know  
Is everything is not as it's sold_  
  


  
I did not even hear the sound of the door sliding open, but there she was, standing by it, as though she was there for eternity, belonging more to my room than I did.   
  
"What are you doing here?" My voice no longer held arrogance nor overweening pride, no, she stripped me of that. It now merely held tireness and a kind of weariness that I learnt over the half year that I got to know her. Yes, she made me grow up.  
  


  
_But the more I grow the less I know  
And I have lived so many lives  
Though I'm not old_  
  


  
"To see you. Your maid let me in, she knows that I'm your teacher... do you mind?"  
  
I brought my hand up, raking it through my hair as my other hand gestured towards the chair at my desk. She marched purposefully towards the said furniture while I plopped myself on the bed, not quite relaxed, yet definitely not as tensed as she was. I could practically smell her nervousness along with the faint scent of perfume she loved.   
  
Kenzo. Flower. Exactly like her.  
  
She reminded me of the beauty in life that I never took the time to appreciate. She made me feel happy, invigorated, alive. She simply made me -feel-.  
  


_  
And the more I see, the less I grow  
The fewer the seeds the more I sow_  
  


  
So how we had come to this?  
  
Steeling myself for the words that were sure to come, I tried to forget my anxiety, or the worries that surfaced that afternoon when I saw how unhappy she was, when I kissed her and knew that she was slowly fading away.  
  
"I have decided." Folding her hands gently on her lap, she faced me with a kind of determination I have never seen on her before. This game was slowly coming to a close I knew.  
  
"You're going to leave aren't you?" I said it so matter-of-factly that she started. Despite the calmness I exuded, I was astounded by the placid facade I managed to portray. "It's alright, it's always been a game, I should have known, should have kept to the rules."  
  
She shook her head with a pained look in her eyes, as though I had miscalculated everything.  
  


_  
The I see you standing there  
Wanting more from me  
And all I can do is try_  
  


  
"You're right, and wrong. I have to leave, that you are right. The rest... doesn't have to be said."  
  
Pushing myself off the soft bed, I strided to her side, refusing the inadequate answer she has fed me. I refuse to allow my love to die a death like this. It deserves an honourable funeral, a mute salute to the miracle that I could have a heart. I will not let it have such a quiet, such a shameful death that strips it of the valour and recognition it should have.   
  
"No, it has to be said. I need to know. Am I a game? Is that all I was? A way out of your loneliness??"  
  


  
_I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness  
And all the real people are really not real at all_  
  


  
Turning her head away from my intense gaze, her small frame shook with unshed tears, as my eyes were filled with the self-same salty liquid too. I was yet again causing her distress. I was no longer the escape she was searching for, but a pain to her.  
  


  
_The more I learn the more I cry  
As I say goodbye to the way of life  
I thought I had designed for me  
_  


  
Why?? It wasn't fair. Not at all. She belonged to me, I belonged to her. We needed each other, much too much perhaps. But why was life so cruel?? My last stop became the beginning to the end. I should have known, God was never kind to me. He stole everything. He took my angels and carved them in blood and sin. He ripped them of their wings and threw them down.   
  
Fallen angels.  
  


  
_All of the moments that already passed  
We'll try to go back and make them last_  
  


  
Numbed, I lowered myself to her level as I embraced her, pulling her to me. I needed that, if only for the last time.  
  


  
_All of the things we want each other to be  
We never will be_  
  


  
Suddenly, all other instruments lost their voice as my own continued its sad sombre melody all alone. Alone once more.  
  
*Tsuzuku*  
  
A/N: To the readers who have complained that my chapters were too short, I've actually lengthened this one! So no more complaints alright? lol Actually, the next few chapters actually gets longer, so it should satiate you. This is one of the more boring chapters. I've actually yawned through it, but it's required. I hate angsty stuff, it's these stuff that I can't go back and read without blanching really. But at that moment of writing it, it's so soothing. Yeah, writing these stuff actually is very very therapeutic. Like I told my mom when I vandalise my wall with my scribbles (yessss... Haruko is a little vandal. Even in school, all the blasphemous stuff is written by me, mostly because the school is Methodist. -snickers- But make no mistake, I'm not against God, it's just the thrill of it. Argh, I'm digressing), wait, told my mom... 'at least I'm not carving myself'. Which is very true ne? -nods head sagely-  
  
Oh yes, to my reviewers! Please take the time out to leave your email addy. I very much prefer to write back to you personally because my A/Ns are long enough as it is! But to those who haven't left it behind:  
  
**thea**: I wanted a female teacher because I think that only the female teachers can actually fall in love. Sorry guys, but I'd think that the male teachers are just in it for sex. Alright, that sounds very sexist, but majority wins!  
  
**AngelofDeath**: What an honour to hear from you! I'm such a fan of your works. (as you should know by my reviews!) Indeed, I'm into the 'naughty' aspects of the relationship without getting too NC-17 because I don't wanna get kicked out! No, in actual fact, I don't quite know how to do it. But I'd be most willing to read yours! Heh, a lemon inspired by my works, that's an honour for sure!  
  
**Nakkie**: Is this long enough? I hope so, because I've already made it longer, mostly because of your complaint. -grinz- As usual, I hunger for your review to let me know if I should rectify any situation I have yet to notice.  
  
~Haruko 


	5. Chapter V: Memories Can Drown

Chapter V: Memories can drown

Darkness.

All around was liquid darkness, enveloping me in its peaceful embrace.

A caress.

A hand, so familiar, slightly callused from all the carvings. I could recognise that feathery touch anywhere.

"Come back, come back to me..." A voice I was so accustomed to beckoned to me. I knew that it was time to awaken, to break free from the shackles of the dream, but all I wanted to do was to sleep on. _Please, just a little more._

Unsure whether it was my eyes or my mind that opened, but the darkness was awashed with blinding light. Everything changed, I was no longer floating to oblivion, rather, a careful glance around brought me back to the classroom where I could feel his presence permeating from every desk, every chair, every wall...

"You've finally come."

Turning towards the desk in the corner, I spied Enishi sitting there, his posture slack and comfortable, as usual. Wearing his customary smirk, his eyes sparkled with something unreadable.

"What do you want?"

I was on guard from the moment I set my eyes on him. I knew that he could do whatever he wanted with me, and that if I didn't shield myself, I would easily allow him to.

**_But I can't. _**

_...I'm a man of many wishes, _

_I hope my premonition misses, _

_But what I really feel, _

_My eyes won't let me hide, _

_'Cos they always start to cry, _

_'Cos this time could mean goodbye..._

For some reason to which I'm completely oblivious, Stevie Wonder's song started playing in my mind. _This time **is** goodbye isn't it?_

"Just to see you." The easy smirk fell off his face as it revealed his earnest smile and the sadness that bled into his eyes. I tried to turn away from him, tried to hold my tears back, tried to run away... but I couldn't. He didn't belong to sorrow, no, never. He was my light, my sunshine, my escape from something that threatened to smother me with its crushing immensity. He save me. 

_Enishi saved me_. 

Why was it that I couldn't do the same for him?

"I just wanted," standing up from his sitting position, his lanky frame soon came to stand in front of me as his heated gaze bore down on me. "to see how you are. Are you happy? Are you smiling?"

Bringing his hands up to grasp my arms, he held me at arms' length, as though able to scrutinize my psychological well-being that way. 

"Why did you come back? I thought we said goodbye, I thought-"

"That when I transferred school you'll never see my face again?"

Wrenching his hands from me, I missed the warmth that seeped through my skin, into my heart. For the second time in my life, he turned away from me, and God, it hurt as much as it did when he first did it, when he left me for the first time.

_"It's late already, we have to wake up early for school, go home!" I pushed him towards the direction of his house. _

_The day was fun-filled, brimming with laughter and jovial companionship. But like all other days, this one was coming to an end, all too soon. _

_"**Ma'am**, are you sure you want to see me gone so soon?" Enishi pouted, knowing that I couldn't help but tug at his ear when he does that, followed by my arms snaking round his neck to pull him down to 'baby' him. _

_"How's that?" I panted as we pulled apart, not really caring who saw us. We were hidden by the darkness and there weren't too many people out at this late hour anyway._

_"That's very good, but I'm going to need a goodnight kiss, Kaoru."_

_He smiled, a teasing smile. One that I haven't seen on him before. He was really just a little boy at heart, craving for attention and affection. Completely unable to resist him, I tiptoed to give into his childish demands. If it's a kiss he wants, it's a kiss he gets!_

_Finally breaking apart, he half-turned to walk back to his house._

_"Wait!" I couldn't stop the word before it escaped my lips, more because of the constricting feelings that tightened in my chest and the tears that threatened to escape. _

_It hurt. I didn't know how much it would hurt, but it did. Envisioning his back, seeing him slowly take that one step, and another, away from me in my mind's eye was much too much for me to bear. I thought I was strong... but maybe, not today._

_Thankful for the darkness, Enishi could only hear the waver in my voice, and not witness the salty droplets brimming my eyes._

_"Could... could you wait for me to walk out of sight?" I took a deep breath, afraid that I would fumble the next line. "I-I don't want to see your back."_

_Nodding understandingly, he simply stood there waiting for me to turn._

_I never looked back._

__Silence descended upon the room along with the tension I never thought I would feel, not with him. It tightened the noose I felt as I clasped my hands together, a defense mechanism that never worked, but made me feel better, nonetheless.

"You... you look well, 'Nishi...er.. Yukishiro-kun."

He sighed, raking his hands through his hair in a habit that I knew so well, revealing the frustration that lay in him. He was always so unreadable to the others, but they only needed to read that signs properly before realising that he was simply an open book. _Why didn't they try?_

"I may look it, but I sure as _hell_ don't feel it." He confessed. "School is back to the same humdrum. Hn."

Eyes softening, he turned to me, easing the choking feeling that was simmering in me. "School is not the same without you, Kaoru."

I nearly cried at hearing him speak my name again after so long.

"Ah." I merely assented. Agreeing with him meant that I felt the same about it, but it did not mean that I would allow him back. Not into my heart at least, I couldn't.

"Do... do you miss me?" Enishi glanced at me hopefully, like the puppy that I could never really let go of...but why should I want to?

Yet... what has happened to him? What happened to the strong, tough, quiet boy who was so self-assured and confident about everything in the world? Since when was he replaced by this little boy who was craving for acceptance and approval?

"You know that's not the point."

His eyes flashed at my noncommittal answer. "Then what is?! You tell me! You gave the world to me! You gave me everything, my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations, and now you say that there's nothing between us and I can't even ask you anything??"

Enishi strod over to me, hands placed on my shoulders, clenching it tightly, as though he could break me with his bare fists, but I knew he couldn't. Not if he tried. Love worked that way.

"**Tell me**!" His eyes spoke of the anguish and desperation that he had while his hands belied great pain and his voice... his voice told me of the anger and perhaps hatred that seeped into his emotions. "Tell me what is the point now?"

Pushing me away, his hands dropped to his side as he sighed, moving up to rake his hair once more.

"You know that we can't continue this, don't fool yourself."

Simply looking at me, he whispered, so softly that had I stood any further from him, I would have missed the words. "But I can't help wanting, _hoping_ that I can fool myself for the rest of my life."

My heart. He broke it with those words.

_I love you too._ I wanted to scream those words, declare to the school, allow them to kick me out on my own and stay with him forever and ever. But love is not sustenance, love is not the air, love is not our future, and it never will be.

"One dance. You and me."

I shook my head but he already held my palm with one hand, encircling my waist with his other free hand.

Crooning into my ear, he tightened his hold on me as I burrowed my face in his chest, willing my heart to loosen its restraints in these moments, and somehow stretch them to last forever.

_Lately, I have had the strangest feeling  
With no vivid reason here to find  
Yet the thought of losing you's been hanging  
'round my mind_

I could feel, rather than hear, the thumping of this heart. It was so close to me, as though it was my heart that was in tune with his. His musky, masculine scent hung onto him, reminding me that some things never really change. 

_Far more frequently you're wearing perfume  
With you say no special place to go  
But when I ask will you be coming back soon  
You don't know, never know_

I whispered his name softly, wanting to hear it rumble out of my mouth, finding its way into his ear. All he did was tighten his hold on me as he released my hand and encircled my waist, pulling me closer to him, as my own snaked around his neck, searching for warmth like a moth to a flame. _I've missed him so much it tears me apart._

_Well, I'm a man of many wishes  
Hope my premonition misses  
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide  
'Cause they always start to cry  
'Cause this time could mean goodbye_

When he hit the chorus, I couldn't help but allow my eyes to water up. This is the real goodbye. This time, we're really letting each other go, finding a way to make a life without each other, a life alone apart from our other half that makes us whole. 

_Lately I've been staring in the mirror  
Very slowly picking me apart  
Trying to tell myself I have no reason  
with your heart_

I really wanted to laugh amidst my tears. There's no way that I could ever find fault with him. _No._ He was much too perfect for that. Enishi was what I would have picked for myself if only I had a choice, if only he didn't have other responsibilities. But a choice was never given to me, the same way his responsibilities would never leave him unburdened. Our choice was already made long before we even realised it.

_Just the other night while you were sleeping  
I vaguely heard you whisper someone's name  
But when I ask you of the thoughts your keeping  
You just say nothing's changed_

'If I could ever fall in love, it would be with you, _only you_.'

But he would never hear these words.

_Oh, I'm a man of many wishes  
I hope my premonition misses  
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide  
'Cause they always start to cry  
'Cause this time could mean goodbye_

I cried.

Clinging onto him, the feeling that my heart has broken, smashed into little pieces on my feet was so strong that I believed it to be true. I held onto him, desperate and frantic, as though it could save the both of us, and I sobbed.

"Don't go!" I screamed at the darkness that was threatening to take him away. Clawing through it, I grabbed for Enishi's arm, only to hold onto thin air. "No! I take it all back! I take it back! Come back to me!!!"

But only cruel silence awashed my ear with its deafening roar, forcing me to my knees.

All I knew to do was to cry.

Harder and harder.

I wept so hard I awoke myself up, still enveloped in the darkness. Turning to the alarm clock on my nightstand, I realised that I had been sleeping for only two hours. Sighing, I grabbed my robe still lying on the chair and stepped out on the balcony.

Everynight.

Every. single. goddamned. night. I dream. It's always the same, of the last time I saw him. Of our final goodbye.

_And now I know why you had to go alone   
Isn't there a place between_

Tears meandered down my cheeks, unchecked and uncared for. Why should I? Tomorrow I would dream of him again, and this cycle would repeat until I finally spiral out of control. 

"Five years. It's been five years, why can't I just let go?"

He would have made his way to the university by now, probably graduated and looking for a job. What would he do? Would he have fulfilled his father's wishes and take over the family company? Or would he follow his dreams and travel the globe selling his handicraft?

_...Look how far your dreaming's gone... _  
  
  


Staring out into the cloudy night sky, I marvelled at the city, how it remained lit at midnight, still very much alive despite the late hour. Would he be out there? Amidst the hustle and bustle of the night life? Or would he be at home? Perhaps safely esconced in the warm embrace of another woman? And would there ever be a day I could harbour that thought without the familiar ache settling in the pit of my stomach?

Raking my hand through my hair in a gesture that belonged very much to him, I merely sighed, continuing my observation of the city below, reminding myself of how I never really belonged anyway.

_...I know you're gone   
I watched you leave._

**Tsuzuku**

A/N: This chapter was one of the ones that I like. Not so naughty, (just you wait til the next one) but endearing in its own way. What I enjoyed writing was the dream scene, because it coincides with my thoughts half the time. I'm dreaming my life away sometimes, that I don't quite know _when_ I'm dreaming, and when I'm not. But that doesn't matter, because that means fodder for writing!

**Nakkie**: Thank you for taking the time out to read and review, I can understand if you feel that some chapters do not require reviewing (should that make me happy because that means no blatant and glaring errors?), but it'll be nice to hear from you once in awhile anyway. And with the way this story is going, I have a feeling that it'll be ending soon. Pretty sad news because I love writing it. Poetic? I don't know if it's poetic, or whether it's like Shakespeare -scratches head- but it's a compliment nonetheless, thanks!

**Goldmund:** Thank you for your encouragement. I think that I would always consider the female sex to do things out of their heart, rather than their head, but that's just biasness. Who cares? Most of the world thinks that way too.. I think! And secondly, the symphony? I like that connection as well, though I'm not quite sure how it would tie in with the end of the story, mostly because I didn't plan until there. I hate not knowing, but well, the feeling is mutual because I more or less give this story free reign. I give it space to move and gallop, and find its final resting place. Gives me less stress too! Just hope that you like what's happening, and let me know if there's anything I can do to improve it. Hope to hear from you again!

Questions:

How old is Enishi?

About 18-19. Definitely still wearing uniform, so expect him to be in a private school.

Will they separate until he reaches of age?

Well, of age to do what? You see, if it's of age to marry, he's already it, and if it's of age to have sex, well, 16 is the legal age... But will they separate until he matures? You've gotta keep reading. Personally, I don't think that there'll be such a happy ending as _For a Love that Wouldn't Bloom_, but hopefully, close enough. Still, my little muse refuses to divulge anything. Selfish thing.

How old is Kaoru?

About... 23-24 years of age. A rather young and brash teacher, like she has described herself. She's eager to teach and bring knowledge to the kids, little does she realise that she's going to be the student.

Is she lonely because Kenshin died?

No. Kenshin doesn't quite have anything to do with this. Okok, to be honest, I don't quite know. You see, there's hints of what Enishi feels as well, but we don't quite know _why _ he feels them. I'd like to keep their histories as mysterious as possible because i) it's too much of a hassle to think ii) mostly because this story has an ethereal/dreamlike/poetic quality to it, don't you think? To have too many details would lose that quality which I've been trying to strive for. 

So.. Does that answer all your questions? For more answers, please click that liiiittle button there. ^_^

~Haruko


	6. Chapter VI: Sex and Carvings

Chapter VI: Sex and Carvings

Flesh on flesh, breath on breath, stroke for stroke, moan for moan. Beneath him, he could clearly feel every movement, relish every enjoyable caress, hear every tantalizing groan.

**_Well I'm a man of many wishes_**

She parted her ruby lips, whispering incoherent mumurings at every movement he made. Liquid fire seemed to rush through their veins as they fell deeper and deeper in the abyss. Both had their eyes glazed, she because she was long since lost in the heightened emotions, and he because he wanted... to forget.

**_Hope my premonition misses_**

Silence filled his world as he suddenly heard the rush of waves crashing as he prepared himself. Eyes glazing over, he could not help but stifle the whimper that almost broke out. It's been so long since he's had a woman under him that it almost seemed like a new experience. _Almost_... until she whispered.

**_But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide_**

Jerking up as though splashed with cold water, he pushed her away, stumbling off the bed.

"What did you just say?" Enishi snarled, grabbing his head as though a headache descended upon him.

**_Cause they always start to cry_**

__Confused, she merely stared at him dumbly, infuriating him all the more as he rushed up to her grabbing her left arm in a vice-like grip.

"**What. did. you. say!**" He demanded, refusing to back down.

Staring up at him with fear written in her eyes, she clutched the blankets to her breasts, afraid of the demon that seemed to be showing its face to her. She had heard the rumours of him and his diabolical side, but she never believed them, thinking that the perfect albeit a little too cool gentleman was merely being maligned. Now she saw the truth in those words.

"I said your name."

**_Cause this time could mean goodbye_**

~

_"Hey! Did you hear me!"_

_There she stood in front of him in all her glory - eyes blazing, arms akimbo with the fiercest glare she could ever muster. But he knew that the angel in her would never hurt him or reprimand him... well, at least not that badly, he hoped._

_"Yes? What did you say, **ma'am**?" He answered languidly, merely tilting his head up to match her irritated gaze. It was probably the lazy feel of the afternoon, or the heat of the day that made his reflexes slower than they used to be, because he was not fast enough to dodge her hand as she smacked the back of his head._

_"I asked you where your homework is!" Stopping the smack, she turned, instead, to pulling his ear. She was fortunate that they were both in the corner of the gardens, hidden by the massive willow tree as its graceful hanging limbs shelter the two forbidden lovers._

_Grimacing with a chuckle, he turned his head slightly, and grabbed her vengeful hand, kissing her palm. _

_"If you asked nicely, I'll tell you..." The twinkle in his eyes were not missed, definitely not when she was in such close proximity to them._

_"Tell me where it is, mister!" She growled out the last words refusing to back down. How _could_ she? Not when she was carrying two roles, the girlfriend, but more importantly, the teacher._

_"Ah-ah!" He pulled her down as she tried to move away from him. "I only want one thing from you..."_

_Futilely wrestling herself from his grasp, she stopped struggling when she realised that he had no intention on letting her win. Too determined, too stubborn, the bull-headed teacher has finally met her match. Mournfully sighing, she bent down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips._

_Smirking up at her, he whispered into her ear so she felt his warm breaths puffing on her lobe._

_"I merely wanted you to stop calling me 'mister' and call me by my name, but this is much better."_

_Outrage at his trickery, she wrenched her hand from his grip, huffing indignantly._

_"How would I know that? You were acting so perverted! 'Sides, you hate it when **others** call you by name!"_

_Seeing her turn from annoyed to angry, he could not help but feel the burst of affection blossoming from his heart, threatening to break free from his lips. But no. He was not a man of words. So he pulled her into his arms, crushing him with the intensity of the moment more than his strength._

_"No, no one else can say it but you. Because my name is who I am, and only you understand."_

_Feeling her arms quietly, gently, softly snake around him, he suddenly had a strange sense of completion. Yes, all that he needed was in that moment, was in his arms._

_"I... I never knew... Enishi."_

_And from that moment on, she never called him anything else._

_~_

Lying back down on the bed, he stared out the window. This was not the same bed where he nearly had his sexual romp. No, he always brought the women to the other room. That room was reserved for such a purpose, to satiate his needs, but never intruding upon himself. This room that he was in was the one where he work, he relaxed, he slept, he was himself. And only one woman would ever have the chance to enter it. Strangely enough, the other room never fulfilled its purpose. Because even while he was filled with the urge, the need, the want, his heart was never fooled by his head. 

Dating girls with the same stature, the same coloured hair, the same shade of blue in their eyes, no matter what he did, he could never pull the wool over his weary heart. It could always tell the difference between those younger girls who was after him, and that one woman who already had him. So no matter how inebriated or tired he was, he never managed to complete the act.

Cursing his irrational heart, he raked his hand through his hair. If only that half-witted girl did not say his name! He was _that_ close to doing the deed, _that_ close to doing the one act that would forever break him away from **her**. 

~

_**When I am down, and oh my soul, so weary;**_

_**When troubles come and my heart burdened be;**_

~

_God, _he could not help but implore any deity that existed to bring him out of his misery. Wasn't there any cure for love? Any way of relieving the pain and burdens off from his aching heart?

~

_**Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,**_

_**Until you come and sit awhile with me**_

~

And he knew how God could help him. God could return him to his youth. Return him to that moment in time when he was happiest, with her beside him. She would hold his hand, laugh with him, lift his spirits, hug him, teach him more than just things that were in the textbooks. She brought him the knowledge of how beautiful the world could be.

_If only..._

~

_**You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;**_

_**You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;**_

_**I am strong, when I am on your shoulders**_

_**~**_

If only she were here with me. 

_"You can do it. You have the strength inside of you. Don't ever look back, don't ever think that you don't matter, because more than anything else in the world, __**you do**_**. **_So just go..."_

__He could still hear her words, the ones she said before he left. The only person who ever believed in him.

_"... go and make your dreams come true."_

_~_

_**You raise me up...**_

_**To more than I can be **_

~

Without her, he would have never defied his father, never have started his own gallery presenting his art work. No, without her, he would have been just another crooked business man in the harsh world. He would have been lost in the tide of dollars and cents, forgetting the one true thing that matters - his dreams. 

Tomorrow he was going to showcase the new batch of carvings dedicated entirely to her. Despite the heartache that she brought on, he was grateful for the love that she showered on him. 

Enishi more than remembered those days while he still felt the intensity of his emotions – love, adoration, admiration, infatuation, jealousy, anger, spite, hatred all rolled into one. Yes. He felt a great deal of anger and hatred. Even once, he believed that he would never love again. Doubting love and its gift, he made himself believe that Kaoru no longer existed, if only to dull the ache in his heart.

_~_

_Sweeping the books and paper off his desk, Enishi screamed in frustration. She just left the house, barely maintaining eye contact with him as she left. But it didn't make him feel any better. He knew how her reaction would be, being the cool and rational person, Enishi had already anticipated the outcome. Yet knowing that something would happen, never quite prepared you for the moment that it did._

_The servants ignored him, going about their work and avoiding his room at all costs. They had long since known the consequences of stepping into their Young Master's rage, and none of them were willing to tempt fate once more._

_His wrath reached his shelf as he flung his heavy and cumbersome dictionaries, textbooks and autobiographies to join their counterpart on the floor. His anger so great, even the decorative memoribilias that his parents bought for him from their trips overseas were smashed and broken, lying in their grisly demise on the ground. _

_One by one he methodically destroyed all semblance of neatness and normalcy of his life as he went on a destructive rampage throughout his room. The noise reached the ground floor and even the gardens, yet no one seemed to notice or acknowledge it._

_"NO!" _

_His cry of despair pierced through the storm shocking every person listening on. And just as soon as the hurricane began, it ended as well. More than a little surprised, the servants dared to venture outside Enishi's room. Pushing and jostling each other, they dared Enishi's nursemaid to open the door and take a glimpse into the tiger's lair. _

_Just as they expected, the room, though quiet, was evidence of Enishi's fury. A war has occurred in the room, between his sanity and his rage. Yet it seemed that his rational side has temporarily won because he was crumpled on the floor surrounded by the debris of the previous storm. Cradled tenderly in his arms was a carving that they saw him working on. The only one that was different._

_Witnessing his loving gesture as he held it gently to himself, they could not see the significance behind the action. Neither did they see the art piece break in half from his fury earlier._

_And as they closed the door behind them, they missed the two tracks of tears cascading down his cheeks, finding their way from his eyes, straight into his heart._

_~_

He knew that she merely thought of him as a passerby in her life, a wanderer just waiting for the right moment to return to his travels. Still, he could not help but continue holding a part of his heart for her. A corner that only belonged to her.

And so in the midst of his anger, he learnt the art of burying. It was in that burial that he exhumed his love, trading it for ashes and the remains of his art pieces.

~

_**You raise me up...**_

_**~**_

**__**Yes, the exhibition is for her. And it would be the final resting place of his heart. Filled with memories of their times together, the wooden blocks that he spent his days whittling away, giving his love some shape and form. Only for her. Only for her.

He would showcase and sell the final pieces of his love for her, and lay them to their eternal slumber there. This was his tribute to the woman who made him who he was. The woman who stole into his heart and removed all pain and loss, replacing it with something uplifting and beautiful. But never again. 

Tomorrow... tomorrow was the swan song of his love.

What would she have said, had she heard of this? _You did it, I knew it! _or_ What took you so long?_ or_ Dreams have always been in your grasp, it's just waiting for you..._ But it didn't matter, he knew she would be pleased anyway.

~

_"'Nishi..."_

_"Mmm?" He murmured languidly as he leaned against the tree trunk while embracing her loosely._

_She turned to him, willing him to open his eyes and regard her seriously. But he didn't, merely continuing his visual trek of the setting sun in the horizon._

_"Would you be angry with me if we couldn't be together?"_

_"That would depend."_

_"On what?"_

_"Why you left me."_

_"What makes you think that **I** would be the one leaving?" _

_For the first time, he turned to her, peering into her eyes, straight into her soul._

_"Because, Kaoru-koishii, I could never leave you, not even if I tried." _

~

Continue starting at the wall, he wondered. _Since when did he care about her anyway?_

__Gulping down the _Merlot_ in his hand, he slammed the glass back on his night table and turned to sleep.

_Tomorrow... it would all be over tomorrow._

~

_**... to more than I can be.**_

~

**Tsuzuku**

A/N: Yes, Enishi is trying to forget. For those who have read the little spoiler on my Blog, note: I've added new scenes here! Hope that you like them! And to my reviewers I'm sorry that I couldn't personally email everyone of you, I was much too tired trying to churn this chapter out in time, I hope that this is compensation enough! Blame it on my head, not my heart!

**MissBehavin**: Yes, thanks to a wonderful reviewer who advised me do d/l Open Office, I got it back! I don't quite believe that a broken heart lasts for such a short time. Because like every loss, you never lose it, it only dulls with time. I love that line, being surrounded with people, yet being lonely. That's what I want to bring across, you're such a wonderful reader that I sometimes don't need to explain so many things out because you understand it all. Another thing is, I'd like to show how people, ordinary people who you never take note of, actually have their own story to tell, all you have to do, is to listen. The ending should be satisfactory, because I'm having a hard time melding realism with my softer side. We'll see who wins in the end!

**Wistful Eyes**: Have I ever mentioned how much I love your nick? It's strange to be writing it _here_ of all places, but as I typed it, it makes me all the more appreciate it. 5 years apart, that's actually my limit. In real life, I think that if I date a guy who's up to 5 years younger than me, I can take it, anymore and I'd feel like I'm robbing the cradle. ^_^ And KT naughtiness? Well, I don't think I can do that, but there's a little explicit stuff here, hope you don't mind! And whether they'll meet? I'll try to make as many reviews come true as I can!

**FHB**: Eheheheh I nearly wrote your name as **FHM** which is (in case you haven't heard of it) a men's magazine. Yeah, something like _that_ kind of magazine. Sorry. Anyway, I loved your story, keep writing, and let me know if there's anything I can do to improve this story!

**Randomxthoughts**: Thanks for your review! Do you suppose this is a quick enough update? Let me know what you think about this chapter, it's not that difficult to write, but it's decidedly harder than my other ones, cos I'm trying to keep Enishi in character, as in characers as a new era, a new world, a new surrounding can realistically bring about!

**Belledaynight**: Not much poetry! Actually the bold and italicised words are song lyrics. I'm just too lazy to write who it was done by, cos more often than not, I'm using more than one song. However, if you're interested, drop me a note so I'll email you the names of the songs and the singers as well. Hope that you enjoyed this chapter as much as you did my previous one!

**Firuze Kharume**: Wow, what does your name mean? It's so unique! Thank you so much for your kind words, it's really touched me a great deal. Being the person that I am, what I crave more than anything else, is confirmation that I'm doing something right. Writing on ffnet where there are so many other brilliant writers makes me nervous and anxious as well, but having you, _you_, tell me that I have something going, is a wonderful compliment, I'm grateful for your stamp of approval. I hope that you find this chapter still amusing after so many reads on my LJ! Have you spotted the new scenes? Let me know if it reeks of _Enishi_, because that was the idea! 

**Kimiko5**: I love that story a great deal, but actually, no. It's not based on Majo no Jouken, though I must say the tv drama was what piqued my interest in teacher-student relationships. But I haven't even watched a single episode, though I do know the story. If any of the scenes do match, it would be a great surprise, do let me know if that has happened!

[Unnamed]: No, I don't think that Enishi would search for her. Despite the fact that there was quite a lot of fics done like that, the Enishi in my mind has left her, and he believes that she wanted him to leave her, so he won't put himself back in that situation anymore. But whether they'll bump into each other...? It's anybody's guess.

**Dustyfall**: I think you're the only one who says 'Happy Writing' and that's the closest to the truth that you can ever get! It's true, I love writing this story, and it's such a joy to see it posted up. This one is not as emotional as the previous one, though the outburst is quite close to it. It's actually one of my favourite scenes to write and read. What do you think? Which would you think is your favourite scene? Drop me a note and let me know!

**Monou Hakkai**: Nah, you're not slow. It's just that I always have this way of writing where I think that everyone's thinking the same thing as me, so I always assume that they understand what I'm writing, so I don't have to concentrate on making them understand what I'm writing, and concentrate on the style of writing as well as my plot development. Sorry. I'll try to think more of the readers the next time I write! I personally like the idea of hand raking through a person's hair. Mostly because I like it when someone does that, to himself, or when someone does that to me. I have to stop myself from purring like a cat! And it's most definitely a reminder of him. Kaoru never allows herself to forget, be it 5 or 10 years, she doesn't really want to forget those wonderful months she spent with him. Hopefully there'll be a happy ending!

~Haruko 


	7. Chapter VII: I Dream A Dream Three Step...

Chapter VII: I Dreamed a Dream - Three Steps into Yesterday

_**There was a time when men were kind**_

_**When their voices were soft**_

_**And their words inviting**_

_**There was a time when love was blind**_

_**And the world was a song**_

_**And the song was exciting**_

_**There was a time**_

~

"... was it true? Was it true?"

The voice of the excited girl next to me forced me to return to _Planet Earth_ and report.

"Huh?"

Exasperated, she pointed once more at the magazine in her hand repeating her question once more.

"Is it true that _Yukishiro Enishi_ was a student here?"

Rubbing my eyes to ensure that I was not hallucinating, I dumbly nodded my head. It's true. It's him. He was on the magazine, his glossy picture splashed all over the pages, a smile, revealing his white pearlies... he has not changed at all. 

"Wow!" The girls squealed and bombarded me with more questions, though it was hard for me to concentrate on anything other than the magazine in her hand. Unconciously I took it from her, reading the few paragraphs that was enumerating his many accolades and accomplishments.

... "Ma'am..."

Huh? Was that? Was that...?

But when I turned around, it was merely the whining of the girls when I 'zoned' out.

"Kamiya-sensei! How well do you know him? Was he your student? Which year was he in?"

Swallowing none too ladylike, I took a deep breath and tried to be as vague as possible with the gang of vultures hovering over me.

"... I... I know him as well as I would know any other student." ..._who I'd happen to fall in love with and date. Hey, even now I'm hung up over him. Did I mention that I'm still dreaming of him? Yes, as in every night-_

"So was he your student?!" They badgered me with another question even before my internal monologue was completed. How rude.

"Yes, I was his form teacher, and he was a student here five years ago."

"You're his form teacher!? So you should know quite abit about him!"

You can't imagine how much. "Yes." I know the insides of his mouth better than you know your forces that's for sure!

"So what was his best subject?"

"Physics." _All too easy._

"What kind of a student was he?"

"Brilliant, but quiet." _Ask any teacher, this was the 'safest' answer._

"Where did he sit?"

"At the last row, in the corner." _Simple enough, how could I forget?_

Come on, ask me anything, nothing can surprise me now!

"So is it true that his first and only love was from this school??"

Can I take it all back now?

~

_**Then it all went wrong**_

~

_"Can I kiss you?"_

_I blushed at his question._

_"Absolutely not!" I answered vehemently._

_Looking nonchalant at my reply, he merely leaned in and pecked my cheek._

_"Wha-what did you do that for?!"_

_My hand shot up to touch my 'smote cheek' and I turned a shade deeper._

_"You said no."_

_"Yes! Exactly!"_

_"So I kissed you."_

_"What kind of stupid logic is that??" I questioned him hotly. More embarassed that we're arguing over a kiss that I didn't actually mind._

_"The logic of love."_

_How could I dispute?_

_This time, when he leaned in for another kiss, I just stood there, waiting for it, entwining my fingers in his very being._

_Just sweet._

~

"...Yes. It was true." There was no point lying, they'd find out anyway. I'm just grateful he didn't mention any names.

"What kind of a girl was she? Quiet? Soft-spoken? Homely? Out-going?"

Getting very irritated by the barrage of questions, I groaned.

"What's that to you??"

Stupid question, because the girls merely turned starry-eyed and swooned.

"So I can be like that and make him fall in love with me!"

~

_"Don't you think these pair of dark glasses are cool?"_

_He turned to me, striking a ridiculous pose as he did so._

_Stifling my laughter, I replied as calmly as my taut facial muscles would allow me to._

_"Yes Neo, oh great Chosen One."_

_Sticking his tongue out at me, he replaced the shades back on the rack, not without shooting back at my retort._

_"What's wrong with these shades anyway? I've got to look cool while I'm saving the world you know."_

_Shaking my head, I turned to him, regarding him with mirthless eyes._

_"Shades hide the most essential part of the soul - it's entrance. What's so cool about that?"_

_Leaning in, he placed his eyes right in line with mine cocking his head to one side, as though scrutinizing a piece of meat or chemical._

"_I can never hide behind anything when it comes to you, not even shades, Kaoru-koishii."_

_I simply smiled at him shaking my head in doubt._

~

"This talented artist will be bringing his exhibition round Japan. And though his works would not have the opportunity to be displayed at our gallery, you can go to Osaka, just five hours by car and three by train, to catch his pieces of brilliance. Though he refused to divulge the exact theme of the exhibition, as of yet, he simply said that the display would be called '_Three Steps into Yesterday_'."

Reading and re-reading the magazine over again, I sighed. So he was following his dream. 

"The _Apollo_ of Carving, as he is known in the art scene, remains very stoic about his private life, though he has admitted that he only had one love in his life before, and that was a girl in his high school. No more information about this myseterious girl was divulged, though it seems that Yukishiro-sensei is now very much single." 

Staring into the sky, I gazed into the horizon. At least I won't have to imagine him with another woman in his arms, considering I've always found it hard to resist the urge to rip out another woman's eyeballs for staring at Enishi the wrong way.

"Kamiya-sensei?"

"Hai?" 

"What is the magnitude of the force?"

~

**_She slept a summer by my side_**

**_She filled my days with endless wonder_**

_~_

_"Kiss me? For the rest of my life will you kiss me?"_

_A smirk._

_"As many times as you want, whenever you want."_

"_You promise?" I lifted up my little finger for a 'pinky' promise, smiling the most innocently grin that I can make._

"_Yes..." He sighed, it was not normal for me to act so childish, that being his role most of the time, but every now and then, when I start to get demanding, he had no choice but to submit to my will... or face the terrible sight of my teary eyes. So lifting his little finger, he curled it around mind tightly, like the vow that it was._

_"What about now?"_

_"In the middle of the street?!"_

_My eyes filled up as I pouted and frowned, very tempted to stomp my feet so as to emphasise my dissatisfaction._

_"What good are promises if you're just going to break them?? You liar!"_

_He looked down at me, matching my watery gaze amd melted._

_"Alright, alright, a promise is a promise."_

_But as he lowered his face towards mine, I moved my hand up and pushed him away, my frown blossoming into a mischievious grin._

_"In the middle of the street?!"_

_I threw his words back at him and bounded to the other side of the street before he could reach me, laughing all the while._

~

**_She took my childhood in her stride_**

**_But she was gone when autumn came_**

**_~_**

The bell sent me reeling back into reality.

"Alright, I want all of you to complete your homework and hand it in tomorrow!"

Resting my head against my palm, I hardly registered the students shuffling out of the classroom until I heard one of the girls calling out my name.

"Yes?"

"Will you be going for the exhibition?"

Surprised, I looked at her, trying my best not to get too flustered under her scrutiny. Was she suspecting something suspicious?

"Why do you ask?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, she smiled at me.

"You're his form teacher, why shouldn't you?"

_... Because I broke his heart, and no matter how much I try, I can't put it back together again._

**_~_**

_"What can I get for you, on your birthday?"_

_Enishi gazed into my eyes, his shades blocking my vision of returning that gaze. Shifting himself slightly to get comfortable, he rested his head atop my lap as though it was the most natural thing to do. _

_Surprised that he would even remembered the day, I gaped at him for a second._

_"My... birthday?"_

_Enishi never bought me anything before. Why now?_

_Smiling guilessly at me, he replied while tweaking my nose mockingly._

_"I want it to be special."_

_Blushing at his attentive ministrations, I paused for a moment, thinking. What should I get? What **do** I want?_

_Looking down at his cheerful smile, something I'd never think I'd see two months ago, I knew what I wanted._

_"Promise me." I looked into his eyes, to memorise the way light fell on it, changing its hue from topaz to glacier every angle he turned._

"_What?" He tilted his head, changing the shade to a lighter grey this time. "What can I promise my dear **ma'am**?"_

_Brushing his nose against mine in an intimate eskimo kiss, I broke away and answered._

"_Promise me that no matter what happens, you'll never lose faith in yourself. Because you can do it. You have the strength inside of you, I **know** it." Placing my palms on both sides of his head, I gently gripped him, bearing my eyes into his, willing him to gain strength from my belief and my unwavering faith in him. "You have the gift in you, the talent, and the inner beauty. No one else can see it, but it doesn't matter. Believe in that gift, that talent, that beauty of yours. _

"_When you can finally do that, close your eyes, calm yourself down and listen to your heart. Then after it has spoken, don't question, just spread your wings and... **fly. **Don't ever look back, don't ever think that you don't matter, because more than anything else in the world, **you do.** If not to anyone else, to me. So just go, go and make your dreams come true."_

_Gaping at my open declaration, Enishi simply enfolded me in his arms, breathing in my scent so deeply like a fish gasping for air._

"_My faith," he started, disbelievingly. "is that all you want? My faith?"_

_Smiling as I held onto his lean yet strong frame, __my answer was slightly muffled but still audible._

"_Yes, it's all I need... and want."_

_Burrowing himself deeper, as deep as he can get, he chuckled._

"_What would I ever do without you, Kaoru-sensei?"_

_Sensing the teasing note in his tone, I playfully punched his shoulder, pushing him back onto my lap and deliver my deadliest mock glare._

"_You'd fail physics, that's what, buster."_

~

So it was probably that students's words that day that pushed me to where I am today. Standing in front of the door of the gallery, I did not think that I would have made it all the way here. Sitting in the car, all I could think of was him. It was as though the tap was turned on and an entire avalanche of emotions came spilling out. I was not even prepared for the intensity of emotions that caught me off guard. 

... his gentle smile, his beautiful eyes, his neat handwriting, his tousled hair, his callused hands, his soft kiss, his everything... 

Just thinking about him made me want to turn the car around and forget about this stupid ride down what seems like a poorly disguised attempt to regain something of yesterday. But yesterday was so far away. How was I to ever reach it? 

I gripped the wheel tighter than I've ever done before, until my hands were drained of blood, but still I could not feel anything. What would he think? What would go through his mind when he saw me there? Was is selfish of me to do that? What if he didn't want me to be there? In all fairness, I was the one who pushed him away, and now I was throwing myself _at_ him??

Stopping the car by the roadside, I could not help but rest my forehead against the steering wheel and cry.

It was a rather strange experience because I have not cried since the day he left, not conciously anyway. I did not count crying myself awake since it was done unconciously, but it did not matter. Because it means that all these years between us, figuratively and literally, meant nothing. They did not do anything to lengthen the distance I needed between him and I. If anything else, they served to dissolve that said distance. Like rain washing away all that is dirty and impure from the world, these tears meant that I have been lost in our love again. Or what has become and is left of our love.

~

_**Time stood still, but it's trying to move once more**_

_**Full of things I don't want to forget**_

_**I'll surely be crying tomorrow at this time**_

_**I'll be thinking of you**_

~

So here I still am, standing in front of the gallery, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible, if it were not for the fact that there was no one else at the pavement and a man in a tweed jacket just noticed me.

"Ah! Are you here to see the exhibition? How wonderful! Do come in! Come!"

Surprised at his joviality, I wondered how he was related to Enishi, rather strange considering _he_ wasn't one of the jolliest person I knew.. other than when we were alone.

Shaking my head, I refused to think about the past. Our eyes were placed in front of the head for a reason!

"... Sorry, did you say something?"

Grinning widely, he simply repeated his statement.

"You don't quite seem the type to enjoy looking at carvings, painting seems more like your type."

Giving him the faintest of smiles I shook my head.

"I'm an avid fan of carvings, especially of 'Ni-... Yukishiro-_sensei_."

"Oh? Is that so? I didn't know that he was famous in Osaka."

"Well, I'm not from here actually, I'm from the Tokyo. It took me six and a half hours to get here." At his perplexed look I quickly added. "Bad traffic."

"Oh, I see." A look of understanding flashed across his expressive face as he continued his queries, all the more confusing me as to how _he_ could work with someone so lively. "And how do you know Enishi-san?"

"He was my... We met in school. We were in the same.. class."

Another shine of comprehension danced across his features as he nodded his head.

"Lovely that he would have a classmate come all the way here to see his works, I'm sure he'd be pleased." 

More than willing to allow the facade to continue on, I merely kept quiet, all the while looking at the passageway towards the exhibition.

"If you don't mind my saying so... have we met before?" 

Whipping my head around to face him, I tilted my head in confusion.

"No, I haven't met you before, I'd know if I did.. why?"

"Oh, you just look very familiar, that's all... Ah! Sir! If you would excuse me, there are some people I recognise just coming in, please, feel free to look around."

Without looking back, he marched purposefully towards the couple ahead, leaving me to grateful, merciful silence once more.

~

_**You will always be inside my heart**_

_**There's always a place just for you**_

~

Stunned was more than what I could say when faced with his carvings. Not only did he display his works, next to them were poems and prose, accompanying each piece. But what took my breath away was the depth of emotions I could discern from his handiwork. Each curve, each harsh line revealed a sensitivity and reverence for his craft, something that neither time nor hardships can ever take away from him.

Shrugging off my initial shock, I took a closer look at the little figurines perched seemingly precariously yet sturdily on the platforms and was shell-shocked once more. 

It was no wonder that man thought he recognized me. Looking at the pieces of wood deftly taking form under my love's hand, I could understand – every carving was of me.

But Enishi's agent could not be sure because my face was never shown. Yet I knew that it was me because not only was my hair always swept into that familiar low ponytail that I favoured, a small almost non-existent scar was carved into the model's neck, right below the ear. Such attention to detail, I never knew he could do that. 

~

_His hands worked their magic on me as soothed and eased my aching muscles. From my shoulder blades to my neck, there was no sore that he could not cure. Sweeping my hair to one side, he deftly worked the muscles, relaxing and loosening them. Who knew that such a little Prince would work his hands this way? Makes me wonder what else he can do with it._

"_What's this?"_

_His voice broke through my reverie, bringing me back to the deserted classroom at the end of the hall, where my troubled student offered to give me a break from tutoring him with a free massage. Of course I agreed. Do I look like an idiot to you?_

"_What's what?"_

_I could feel the pressure of his finger on the spot right below my left ear, where my scar must have been._

"_Can't you see? It's a scar." I teased him._

"_How...?"_

_Turning away from him, I faced forward, trying to disregard it._

"_It's nothing, really."_

"_**How**?" He repeated, this time more forcefully than before._

"_An accident. I was lucky... but the rest... we-weren't."_

_His forehead rested on the spot between my shoulder blades as he heaved a sigh._

"_There's too much sorrow in the world, don't you think so... Kamiya-sensei?"_

_That was the first time he's ever called me that, while all I could do was to continue facing forward and nodding my head in assent._

~

The particular piece I was looking at was one of me in school, where I was sitting at the desk, yet the face was clear of features, and only my back, my hair, my clothes were given great attention. Right below it, he wrote a haiku:

_Love is a flower_

_Blossoming into beauty_

_Crumbling to dust_

This must be the reason why the magazine asked him about his first love. It was all too real, all too painfully carved into every piece.

_My heart is a flame_

_Burning aglow with passion_

_Consuming my soul_

Feeling my heart constrict and clench with each new work that I looked at, every new haiku I read, I had the sudden urge to turn and run. Away from yesterday, away from these painful reminders, and away from every piece of his broken heart.

So I turned, and slammed right into someone.

"I'm sorry, sir."

His words were my undoing.

"Didn't I tell you to call me by my name, _ma'am_?"

~

_**Even if I fall in love with someone else once against**_

_**I'll remember to love, you taught me how**_

_**You are always gonna be the one**_

_**Now it's still a sad love song**_

~

Tsuzuku

A/N: Wow, my longest chapter ever! What do you think about it? One more scene added from my posting on my LG, for those who read, like Firuze and Jerjonji, check it out and let me know what you think!

The idea of this chapter, 'Three Steps into Yesterday' was actually one of having a 'flashback' chapter, filled with the happier and not so happy times that the two spent. It's all mixed up, some more recent, others not so. But this is to reveal bits of the two that I couldn't, not while the story line still has to be developed. I certainly hope that this portrays that which I wanted to! Another point is, the difference in time [from each flashback] is quite like the thought patterns of a person, that's why it keeps jumping around. Not just because of the confusion in Kaoru's mind, but also because that's how memories come to us, isn't it? We never quite remember things in chronological manner, only in a haphazard manner, isn't it?

[Unknown]: I think that the bumping into each other is already done! Now I just need to guess what's going to happen next, because I really don't know what's going on!


	8. Chapter VIII: How Could You Not

Chapter VIII: How Could You Not

_As you stand_

_at this end of the bridge which arcs,_

_from love, you think, into enduring love,_

_learn to reach deeper_

_into the sorrows _

_to come – to touch _

_the almost imaginary bones_

_under the face, to hear under the laughter_

_the wind crying across the black stones. Kiss_

_the mouth _

_which tells you, here, _

_here is the world. This mouth. This laughter.These temple bones._

_The still cadence of vanishing._

_...we will go out together, _

_we will walk out together among_

_the ten thousand things,_

_each scratched too late with such knowledge:_

_**the wages of dying is love.**_

_~Galway Kinnell _

_'Little Sleep's-Head Sprouting Hair in the Moonlight'_

_-_

I don't quite know how it happened, but one minute I was walking, a quiet apparition in my own exhibition, observing the various reactions to my work, and the next, I bumped into the person in front of me. Only that it turned out to be more than just another face in the crowd.

"I'm sorry, sir." I don't think I could ever misplace or forget that voice _ever. _

It was like falling back into a familiar routine that brought a great deal of comfort to this tired soul. I simply acted and spoke out of habit, of a memory that I thought I had lost. So I held my arm out to steady her waist, inadvertently pulling her closer to me. (And though I would confess that in my younger days, it would have _not_ been a mistake, but a concious effort, at this age and time, it most definitely was.) So I said the words that broke out before I could recapture them.

"Didn't I tell you to call me by my name, _ma'am_?"

_**Have you ever heard of the story of the girl who was adopted? No?**_

I could literally feel her breathing pattern changed. What was light turned heavy and slightly flustered. Yet as quickly as the alterations was felt, it disappeared. Calm and collected, Kaoru merely remained in my unwilling embrace and smiled up through tinted lenses.

_**She spent her entire life growing up with the knowledge that she wasn't borne of the same flesh and blood as the couple who brought her up.**_

"And didn't I tell you to stop calling me that, _Yukishiro-sensei_?"

Stepping away from the heady haze her light perfume was putting me in, I shook my head slighty. 

_**Everyday, she would look in the mirror, staring and staring, hoping to catch a glimpse of her natural parents.**_

"It's strange seeing you in sunglasses. Are the lights in the gallery too bright?"

I knew how she hated wearing them, so why now?

_**However, the answer, like her birth, was a mystery. Nevertheless, her adoptive parents loved her all the same.**_

"There are some things I need to hide, until I know the truth." Being enigmatic was my job, but if she wanted to be that way, who was I to stop her? 

_**They would buy her beautiful dresses and dolls to play with, send for the best teachers and shower her with love... **_

"What can I do for you? I didn't expect to meet you, here of all places."

_**But she was never happy.**_

But before she could even answer, the cheerful voice of my agent broke out behind me.

"Ah! I see the two of you have met! This lady came earlier and told me that you knew her from your school days, I didn't realise that you studied five hours from here! Why don't you bring your classmate to the office and do some catching up? I can handle things around her for awhile."

_**So, one day, she ran away. Far from the house she knew, from the parents who loved her, from the only place she called home.**_

_'Agree! Agree!'_ My infantile heart wanted to say. Pleading with my mind as it started whining and irritating me with different versions of 'the song that never ends', I could not help but blanch.

_**She travelled the world, meeting people from faraway lands, experiencing life to the fullest, trying to find the people who could recognize her face and claim her as their own... But it never happened.**_

"Yukishiro?" My agent started intently at me. "Are you alright?"

Raking my hand through my hair, I let out a sigh of frustration. "Just fine."

"'Ni-Yukishiro-_sensei_?"

I tried to hide my grimace, but it peeked out. Trying my best not to look her in the face, (it would not be an easy task anyway, since she hid her eyes) I merely turned to my agent.

"We can speak here, thank you." And as polite as that sounds, having worked for me for awhile, he knew that was my way of dismissing him.

I turned back to Kaoru, putting on the most businesslike 'face' that I could. And as foreign a feeling as it was, doing such a thing in front of _her _of all people, I felt a strange sense of phlegmatism wash over me. This was as ready as I ever would be.

"I'm sure you're not here simply to _catch up_. What do you want?" I couldn't help but be curt to her. I needed to protect my battered heart more than I needed to remain polite and gentlemanly, and if there was someone who was capable of hurting me, it was most definitely she.

_**One day, she tried to find her way back to the land where she was from, back to that house that she spent her childhood in.**_

"To see you." Simply said, it sounded like something old classmates would say to each other as one patted the other on the back, praising him for some misplaced accomplishments. But this wasn't the case. Neither were we old classmates.

_**But like the years that separated her from her parents, her memory faded and she lost her way.**_

"Well, now you've seen me, what else do you want? If not..."

But before I could end the sentence, she grabbed my hand in the same swift that she employed when doing anything else, be it cleaning the whiteboard or rapping the metre long ruler on any misbehaving student's table or head.

"Kamiya-san." I started, hoping she would note the change in address and hopefully get the message I was transmitting. She was always a smart one.

"No."

Incredulously, I stared down at her, my jaw ajar as I was left gaping at her.

"What do you mean 'no'? Was there a question in the first place-"

But she interrupted me before I completed that sentence.

"No. This is my answer to something before that. Once, long time ago, you asked me a question. One that I never answered. Do you remember what it was?" 

By the time she ended her sentence, her other free hand moved up to her face, removing the dark glasses that were previously perched on her nose. It was then that her sapphire eyes lay her raw emotions bare for me to witness, some of which I could not understand no matter how much I tried.

I asked her a question? Raking my hair, racking my brains, I tried to come up with the answer. I've asked her so many questions, but which were the ones that was left unanswered? Five years, it's been five years, how was I supposed to- **Yes**. How could I have forgotten it? Unbiddened, the answer burst forth from the depths of my mind. How Could I indeed.

_**Am I a game? Is that all I was? A way out of your loneliness??**_

Taking two steps towards her, I grabbed onto her shoulders for support, feeling my own wavering like a kite in a storm. I could not survive with or without her, I never wanted to. But it's not fair. It's **just not fair**.

"Kaoru, Kaoru, what do you want from me??" 

Stepping back from her, determined to gain my footing in a dance that was long abandoned, I could not help but wish for merciful silence once more. But none was granted. 

_**How the story ends? Well, the story doesn't really end. Because until today, the girl is still trying to find her way home. **_

"Nothing, Enishi. I merely wanted you to know."

"So _ma'am_, what's the point?"

"The point?"

"What's the point of this?" I raised my hands at the gallery, at the situation we were in, at the ridiculous memories she was dredging up again. "What should we be having this conversation that we should have had five years ago? Now's too late, it's over already."

_**She searches, asking anyone who was willing to listen. **_

Stepping back from me as though I've physically struck her, her eyes could not hide the hurt behind them. Now I knew what she was shielding behind her lenses, something she did not want me to see because she knew they would hurt me. She did not want me to see the pain, the raw guilt, the unending sorrow that she had to live with all this while, that marred the sparkle that used to be and dimmed the twinkle that slowly faded in her azure eyes. 

All these years have passed, and she was just as pained as I was. Where was the point in that?

_**You want a happy ending?**_

Laughing an empty laugh, she merely stood there, gazing at me, as if pondering whether to let the cat out of the bag.

_**Well, there is a kind of happy ending because more than anything else, the girl has finally learnt the most important lesson in life.**_

"Don't you _see?_ All these years, there's never been a point! Not once!... There was no point to our relationship at all."

_**Of experience,**_

She finished off quietly, as though afraid I would really strike her. But she was close. I was not simply angry, I was livid. How could she waltz back into my life and call the relationship that changed my life, changed my very being something that had 'no point'?!

_**of living,**_

Yet before I could lash out at her insensitive words, she continued on, her voice rising in cadence, a crescendo that I have yet to witness before.

_**and most of all, **_

"Relationships aren't a _must have_ in life. It's not a prerequisite to exist. It's a _frill_, a mere _bonus_ in life. Yet, it can become 'everything' in a person's life... like mine."

_**of love.**_

Looking me full in the eye, the pure confidence and strength that emanated from her threw me off, quieting the protest that rose to my lips before.

I wanted to pull her to me, to burrow myself in her scent, feel her seeping into my bones and branding me right there and then. I wanted to kiss her, to devour her, to force her to submit to me, yet at the same time, I needed to worship her, to tame me, to make me hers. But most of all, I wanted to shake her, to fist my hands around her hair, crush her to me, demanding that she wake up. _Wake up. _The fairytale has ended, I already had my heart bleeding in shards all over the floor, it was more than enough for me. I had nothing left, if not my pride.

"I'm sorry then, for you have wasted your time coming here. Find something else to fill your life Kaoru, you won't find it here."

"Enishi..."

It was the first time that she called me that in five years, and though I nearly crumbled, I refused to. She was my dream and my nightmare rolled into one. What did she want from me? What more can I give? A tattered heart? A broken dream? A past knee deep in regrets?

Curtly interrupting her, I half turned, refusing to look into her pleading gaze, all the while ignoring the curious glances the other passerbys gave us. Thankfully, it was early afternoon so the crowd remained a minimum.

_**You see, she learnt that even if her face bore no resemblance to theirs, her heart cried out for them, as did theirs for her. And to her, that was enough.**_

"I hope you enjoy the rest of the exhibition, do drop by during the auction that would be held tomorrow if you have the time."

And then, for the third time in my life, I turned and walked away from her.

_**And this, Enishi, is the lesson of love.**_

**Tsuzuku**

A/N: Alright, alright, so I was wrong. This is merely half a chapter, but I felt that the last line was fitting. There'll probably be more stuff coming up. If you read my blog, you'll realise that bits and pieces were taken from the story there, but it's been changed too. I've been in a funk lately, PMS-ing coupled with writer's block. But it _seems_ to be lifting, so another chapter will be coming out soon. Part II is already _thought_ out, so let's just wait for the fingers to work on it. Wish me luck!

Oh yes, and with respect to the story in the bold and italicised words, it's all made up. It has a strange and hollow resemblance to the story between Enishi and Kaoru, yet it's vastly different. Care to share your thoughts on that? Do tell me if it's too distracting though, it just popped up and I quite like it. But if it sucks, please tell me, no holds barred, I trust you!

Btw, a shout out to all the reviewers: **myREEN n'RAAYneer **(here's the continuation, hope you like it!), **Cherry Whispe**r (it's such a delight hearing from you, now when are you going to update???), **XxSilentXDreamerxX** (Well, updating soon!), **muemosyne **(they will.. hopefully be together, but it's hard predicting what Enishi will do, we'll just have to see, ne?), **Blah** (hope you like this one!), **ponchita** (thanks for the compliments, I only hope that this chapter lives up to your expectations!), **Firuze** (please refer to your blog or email! ^_^), **MissBehavin** (Heh, did you see your name used in the story? I was thinking up words to describe what I wanted, and your name just popped up in my mind. Hope you won't sue me! Alright, now that I've updated, it's time for more Saitou-updates!), **faithdivine88 **(here's more for you! Are you satiated yet???),** kenshin-koishii** (don't worry about the reviews, I'm just glad that you read it! Of course a little recognition helps. Thanks a lot for your kind words, they are greatly appreciated.), **Fingers** (I really didn't know what to make Enishi into. There are so many jobs that he has taken before, and since I'm an arts buff... one thing led to another!), **Dustyfall** (no chapter is complete without you! And I'm trying my darnest best to have a _happy writing_ experience but it's getting harder and harder, nonetheless, you've helped a great deal. Thanks so much.), **Wishful-Eyes** (Well, I just need to write another chapter that would hopefully become your favourite too! But it's hard, this chappie is so short. I'm praying that the next one would be longer!), **Jade Catseye** (Sorry it seems that this chapter is decidedly shorter, but I'll try to remedy the situation ASAP. Keep reviewing though! It really makes a difference in my writing... ^_^), **Tsuki-san** (Oh man, your review just made me melt! The rest of this would be found in your email, check it out! ^_^), **goldmund** (Thank you for being such a dedicated reader and reviewer. It's lovely that I know some people are coming back for more! A great encouragement for sure! Hope to see you soon!)

Once again, apologies for the sorry state of this chapter, the next would be soon, hopefully, and better, we can all pray for that right?? -grinz-

~Haruko


	9. Chapter XI: Of this Mettle of Unconditio...

Chapter XI: Of this Mettle of Unconditional Love

"Thank you for taking the time out to come to this auction. These pieces are from my private collection, works that were done in my early years when I first started wood carving. For the longest time I never quite had the inclination to sell them off, but in recent times, I have decided that it was time to move on into a different space entirely. 

"As you can see, these pieces, as opposed to my previous batches, are of a person, something I have yet to display before. However, the techniques which I used are not that different.

"*I feel that it is very important that my texturing or surface design becomes integrated into the overall design of the work. I also feel that the more you work on the surface, the quieter the material has to be. Hence the intricate designs has been left to a minimal. 

"Moreoever, I have never used art to influence or persuade viewpoints. Instead, my art that functions and this has always been my starting point in the development of any idea. I try to convey a sense of quiet, personal ceremony with my work. The actual pattern is not as important as the overall feel of the piece once it has been carve. What begins as form soon veers into image, while function itself occupies a narrow space between surface and depty, between reality and illusion – a place called 'two-and-a-half dimension'...*"

Taking a deep breath, he continued the speech that would seem rather technical, yet revealing, if you could only listen carefully.

"And it is with this new dimension in mind that I hope you would look at all my pieces. Because every point of view that is added to this rich tapestry that I hope to weave is a point of view that may distort, or enhance its image. So take your time out and simply enjoy it. 

"With this, let the auction: Three Steps Into Yesterday, begin."

It was amidst the applause and gazes of admiration that Enishi looked up and locked glances with the one woman he thought he would not see, not after his words the day before.

Abruptly breaking eye contact with him, she self-conciously wrung her fingers, twisting the handkerchief in her hand. Kaoru wasn't very sure her motives and reasons for being present, but she knew she had to come. Even as she awoke this morning with tear tracks on her cheeks and a dull throbbing in her head, she could not help but walk semi-conciously to the bathroom at eight in the morning to make herself presentable for the auction at nine. 

_Always the masochist eh Kaoru? _Her mind whispered devilishly at her as she tried to wreck her brains for her current predicament for the nth time. Why _did_ she come?

Despite remaining up on stage for the entire proceedings, Enishi could not allow his mind to wander far away from the delicate lady that sat scarcely eight feet away from him. She was just there, just within his reach, all he really needed to do was to stand up, take courage and find his way to her. 

_What is she doing here?_

Barely hearing the entire procedure, Enishi was vaguely aware that he was reaching his target of being a multi-millionaire in the one and a half hour that he was sitting there surreptitiously staring at her, but he really could not care less. He needed an answer, and he'll be damned if he doesn't get one real soon.

"Yukishiro?" He half-turned to his agent sitting next to him. "Is there something amiss?"

Shaking his head inspite of the snorts of disbelief ringing out in his mind, he missed his agent's look of uncertainty. Being rather acquainted with the artist's strange behaviour and laconic nature, his agent merely let his reticence slide.

"Going once, going twice, Sold!"

The auction was going smoothly, but Enishi's mind was left in a riot, a mixture of memories and half-truths rolling about. 

_What is she trying to do to me?_

Like a bee buzzing irritatingly around his mind, Enishi was trying to make head or tail of the situation. What does she want? Was she really trying to salvage the relationship? Should he give her a chance? But the carvings...

He knew that he wanted to forget her, but this conviction was slowly crumbling in the face of her presence hardly three broad strides away from him. He also knew that he loved her, yet how much could love work when you were so far apart from each other.

But most of all, he knew that he could never let go. Even as he said those words yesterday, even as he dug through his cellar finding his prized possession that he never planned on selling and took it out to auction today, even as he strived to keep his heart in check today.

Slouching in an uncharacteristic _Enishi_ moment, he let out a sigh of frustration as he raked his hands through his unruly hair. And it was in this moment that he finally realised what the look in Kaoru's eyes yesterday meant. Her eyes were conveying to him the message that only now his heart could understand in this epiphaneous moment: _You belong to me. Even if you sell every single carving, every statue, every picture, every memory. The heart holds onto things that the mind forget, and you'll always hold onto me._

Sitting through the entire proceedings, Kaoru looked at each piece with a detached look, neither moved nor touched by it. She had seen them yesterday, had allowed them to touch her innermost core and move her soul, but today, today she needed herself in one piece, to pick up the many shards that was the broken relationship she shared with Enishi. 

Straightening her posture, she leveled her gaze at Enishi's form, openly appraising him. The day before was a rush of emotions and raw passion, stripping her of the ability to think or see clearly. Today, she finally saw him for the strapping, lean, older and sophisticated man he has matured into. Like a fine wine, everything about him speaks of experience and hardships borne. 

"And now, the last piece for today..." without either of them noticing, the auction was rapidly coming to an end. "... A little history on this unique piece: This was the final piece to Yukishiro-sensei's collection which only took him six months to put together five years ago when he was still in high school. Initially, he was hesistant to include this wood carving in the auction, but last night, he requested that it was auctioned off as well. Let's invite him up to explain more about this special work of his, shall we?"

Amidst the applause, Enishi woodenly walked to the podium as his last work of art lay waiting beneath a piece of cloth, for his unveiling. But first, his speech. It was a simple yet strategic one which he now started regretting. 

_Maybe I don't want to sell it after all..._

Kaoru looked up at the white-haired ex-student of hers. Looking calm and collected, the slight tick in his left eye and the occasional movement of his adam's apple as he swallowed hard was the only indication that he was stuck in a situation he did not feel at home in. Wringing her hands tighter around the already taut handkerchief, she felt beads of sweat slicken down her clammy back as Enishi's discomfort somehow found their way to her.

_Oh Enishi... what's wrong?_

"This last piece is different and especially exceptional. But before I go into that, let me explain what _Three Steps into Yesterday_ really is about. 

"This exhibition was put together by, and is very much a brainchild of, my agent and I. We looked back into our years and thought back to the times that remained most memorable to us. To him, it was his university years, while mine was somewhere earlier. But they both had something in common – love. It was during these times that we learnt about the value and the lessons of love, bringing a new angle, a new perspective into life. It didn't have to be merely romantic love, it could be a love between siblings, friends or even parents with their adopted child..."

Sharply turning to him, Kaoru noticed him looking straight into her eyes, drowing her, yet daring her to turn away at the same time. Mesmerized, she found it impossible to break her gaze with him.

"...But they all belong to love ultimately. Like the curator mentioned earlier on, these wood carvings were created during my earliest years as an artist, in high school. And it is to that lady who taught me love, that these carvings are of. That much is obvious, isn't it?"

Kaoru sucked in her breath, afraid that any slight movement by her would break the spell that he long since casted on her. The fog that she felt herself in moments before quickly dissipated in the overwhelming presence that Enishi possessed. She knew now that she could never turn away from him. Not ever.

"But what makes _this _piece so different? Well, this is the only piece that went through the toughest times with me. This is the piece that bore the brunt of my emotions, and this flawed piece is the only one that bears the face of that lady. To which, its sentimental value is unsurpassed compared to the other pieces."

With that bold declaration, the entire assembly broke into a frenzy of activity. Whispers and discussion broke out. Many wondered at this strange behaviour of the previously stoically private person. To open his heart and bare his soul? That is completely unheard of in the two years of his emergence where they were well acquainted with his laconic nature.

"The same time to love

is the same time that you need

to weep and forget."

Enishi read out the final haiku for the final carving, unveiling it after his recital. 

Shocked gasps ran out as the crowd took in the angry gash that ran from the tip of the figurine's ear to her skirt. It was obvious that this piece had lived through tough times, bearing the mark of Enishi's troubled youth. Yet, it was more than obvious the tenderness that the artist possessed in him, the gentle curves that he fleshed out and the emotions he must have invested to the delicate details that now seem to bring him nothing but pain. However, ever detached, Enishi merely stood aside and allowed for the bidding to begin.

"A hundred thousand!"

Enishi was unwilling. That much she could see. Without even resorting to gazing into his turqoise orbs, she could easily see it in his rigid posture, in the confidence that seemed to have been sapped from him and most importantly, from his twisted fingers, nervously yet measuredly drumming against his knee. However, it was only when she looked into his eyes and witnessed the depth of sorrow that lay below it, that she saw more than simple recalcitrance. No, he was regretting it.

_**... I need to know...**_

Those words still rang out at the back of Enishi's mind, and until today, they still manage to sting. Some wounds are left floating in the subconciousness even after he and Kaoru have set their minds to forget. Because they never forget anything, they merely can't remember it. _Does that memory still haunt her? How does she live with it? _

But as he looked at her, trying to discern the swirl of convoluted emotions lying there, all he could clearly see was regret. Regret and warmth, everything he really needed now.

"A hundred and twenty!"

_**...But I can't help wanting, hoping that I can fool myself for the rest of my life...**_

Kaoru could not hold back the onslaught of memories as they pounded against the door of her heart. Foolishly thinking that she has long since put them away, she forgot the golden rule of memories: They never really leave your side.

_**...You know I'd never say a word I don't mean...**_

_**...That would depend on what you're saying...**_

"Going once... going twice..."

"Two hundred thousand!"

Still, the auction went on, plodding mercilessly like time that can never be turned back. Waiting for the clock to reverse its advancement was simply a dream that could never turn to reality. They both learnt it the hard way, but still...

"Two hundred and fifty!"

_**...I have decided...**_

_**...You're right and wrong...**_

_**...The rest... doesn't have to be said...**_

Still the torrent of memories surfaced, dragging Enishi under the avanlanche of emotions that he had left so long on the shelf he's even forgotten what they were. But having Kaoru so near, holding onto the memories, the stolen kisses, the forbidden feelings, they were slowly returning to life. It was as though these emotions that were burnt and left as ashes quietly resurrected... _and from the remains of the ashes, a phoenix arose..._

"Three hundred!"

_**...Kaoru, Kaoru, what do you want from me??...**_

She seemed so far away from him before. Even as a teacher, her eyes and smile always hid a mystery, a secret he could never fathom. But now, now she merely say eight feet from him. A merciful yet cruel eight feet that he could either lengthen or shrink if only he tried. Yet the walls seemed to be caving onto him, his dimensions falling in and out of place, weaving his emotions tightly round like a noose, clamping onto him in a suffocating embrace.

_**...Nothing, Enishi. I merely wanted you to know...**_

There she was, Kaoru looking up at him, with those inconceivable motives and emotions, with her feelings laid bare if only he could give her a chance. 

Kaoru knew she told him what he needed, she knew that the rest was up to him, but still...

"Three hundred and fifty!"

_**...Now's too late, it's over already...**_

Still he had the choice to say 'no', and it scared her to death.

_**...Relationships aren't a must-have in life... a frill... Yet, it can become 'everything' in a person's life... like mine...**_

Enishi locked his grip around his knees, trying his darnest best to understand what his heart, his beaten, bruised, battered and broken heart was trying to say. Should he try again? But those words... those hateful and hurtful words he uttered... 

_**...Find something else to fill your life Kaoru, you won't find it here...**_

...How do you take them back?

"Four hundred!"

And still, the auction went on as the price surged, each patron wanting it for their own reasons. For love? For rememberance? For a lesson learnt? 

"Five hundred!"

Suddenly, Kaoru didn't care anymore, because she knew what she wanted. 

"Unconditional love for the rest of your life!"

Staring at her, the entire assembly hushed, one man swallowing the 'six hundred' that he was going to say. Enishi arched an eyebrow at her abrupt albeit out of place words. Determined, she smiled in a show of confidence and strength that vaguely brought Enishi back to his high school days where she planted herself in front of the white board. But that didn't matter, she was here to reclaim that which she lost.

**..._I love you._**

**Tsuzuku**

A/N: This was quick! See! I told you this would be fast. This may seem to be a technical story, very 'artsy' or not, I just hope I didn't bore you with all those terms!

Firstly, the words between the * are quotes from _Scratching the Surface: Art and Content in Contemporary Wood_. I finally figured that I couldn't keep writing about a subject (wood carving) whose only knowledge I possessed was limited to the Japanese Wood Carvings *coughcough* know what I mean? If you don't, _where have you been honey?,_ drop me a note, I'll educate you one on one. _Ehehehehe_ Anyway. The quotes are from Cory Robinson, Christian Burchard, Mark Gardner and most importantly, John Cedrequist, who talked about 'two-and-a-half dimension'.

Secondly, this chapter speaks a great deal about the _dimensions_, if you do notice. I wanted to highlight the added tones and shades that Enishi possesses, entirely credited to Kaoru. But it doesn't matter if you can't see it, every angle, after all, reveals a different hue.

~Haruko


	10. Chapter X: The Final Gamble A Thousand'...

Chapter X: The Final Gamble - A Thousand Winter's Sorrow

She sat there, understanding yet not comprehending what her role was. Sitting so near yet so far from him, she knew that her work was done. She returned, to remind him, to be with him, and to relay to him that love still exists, if only he looked for it. Knowing that the final move was hers to make, though the decision that would seal their fate belonged to him, she still arrived. On wings of hope and a heart brimming with affection, this is her final act of love. If only he could feel it too.

Somehow, she knew he did.

How could he not know? How could he sit there, gazing at her with probing eyes and yet not see? How could he continue to act as though her being here was something not out of the norm? Like a stroll in the park, a swim in the sea. Something that belonged… Maybe because she did. Maybe because she was already accepted by him. But that was long ago. Do feelings, like artifacts, survive time and horrifying experiences to endure and persevere? Do they have the strength?

"And now, the last piece for today…"

She could hear him, but she might as well have not. For the words never registered, not when she was faced with the carvings of a thousand winter's sorrow. Taking in the sight of her own image by his hand, she wondered what kind of grief it would bring to him to witness its sight every time he touched it, what kind of sadness would pass his faces as he gazed into those features that resembled her so.

But what really shook her to the core was the angry slash that was evidence of his anger. This brought her a sense of desolation and helplessness. Seeing the tear he rendered to this effigy of her, she wondered if forgiveness and compassion had a place in his heart. Bringing her handkerchief to her eyes, she tried to stifle the sob that threatened to break out. She knew, yet she refused to acknowledge, the kind of heartbreak it took to create such a damage, and she knew, that forgiveness, was so far away at this moment.

"Enishi…" 

She could not help but call his name out. She needed to hear him once more, to know that he was there, by her side. But those eight feet stood between them, and those eight feet were too far to cross. Not with the tear in the figurine, not with the pain in each carve. 

__

"Kaoru- koishii…"

She could hear him, hear his voice, calling her from afar. A distant memory that she desperately wish would come true. This was her last chance to make things right, her last opportunity to bring back some semblance of peace and happiness into her life… if only she could take the giant leap of faith and bring him back into her arms. 

But ifs do not exist.

"This last piece is different and especially exceptional. But before I go into that, let me explain what _Three Steps into Yesterday_ really is about."

Jerking her head up to look into Enishi's eyes, she wondered at the vast gamut of emotions she found there. What did they mean? Why did they seem so familiar yet foreign? 

"...But they all belong to love ultimately. Like the curator mentioned earlier on, these wood carvings were created during my earliest years as an artist, in high school. And it is to that lady who taught me love, that these carvings are of. That much is obvious, isn't it?"

Kaoru felt her eyes tearing up once more. She could not take it anymore. He was speaking to her, only her. These words belonged to no one else, and as he stared into her eyes, straight into her soul, she knew that she was lost to him forever. Those many years ago, she gave her heart to him, and even as she tried to break the bonds between them, too many experiences, too much emotions tied them together to ever allow either to be set free.

"But what makes _this _piece so different? Well, this is the only piece that went through the toughest times with me. This is the piece that bore the brunt of my emotions, and this flawed piece is the only one that bears the face of that lady. To which, its sentimental value is unsurpassed compared to the other pieces."

"Sentimental value…" she mused. "what is that worth?"

Who really knows? She wonders if it means that his affections has not waned. But she would not know. Is love a sentiment? Can it be valued? Can she believe in something that has already passed? And can she put her heart on the line again?

"The same time to love…"

Yet as he spoke, she wondered how she could have forgotten fate that has brought them together. She needed this as much as he did. Coming back to him, again and again, the same way he rejected her yesterday. 

They were victims of the same assailant, never wanting to be released. Held hostage with their hands tied, they play a game with a set ending, one they would always fail at, yet they continue at it, their false strength giving them the perception that they can beat their master. But like playing in the casino, the house always wins.

And as such, their luck has run out.

"…is the same time that you need…"

Hearing his voice again, she wondered if he would dare to gamble again. This time, with something more than drunken promises and childish hopes. They would play the game the right way, and if they fail, at least they knew that the circumstances were right, and the only thing in their way, would be each other. 

"…to weep and forget."

And so, she braced herself, knowing that whatever happens, she would be strong and carry on. This time, Kamiya Kaoru would play the game on her own terms, and win or lose, this would be her decision and her victory or failure.

"Enishi," she whispered. "You're wrong, just like you can never leave me, neither can I stand to be apart from you."(1)

Standing up, she felt the mettle of a thousand winter's sorrow build itself upon her shoulders, steeling her for what was to come along her way. Her last redemption, her last chance. 

And she rose up to seize it.

"Unconditional love for the rest of your life!"

This time, she regretted nothing. Because she knew that love, the ultimate sacrifice, was a gamble, and come what may, at least she was fighting for it now.

Owari

A/N: I know, I know, lots of you are probably stark raving mad right now. If you want a happy ending, I'd advise imagining yourselves? Hehe, I'm so evil. Yeah. I was contemplating the ending, then I realized that no matter what I write, I would never be happy with it. This ending, is more of something that fits the story in my mind. It has the elements of despair and hope meshed together, something I believe truly embodies what the story embraces - realism. How would it end? Would there be a happy ending? I may decide to write an epilogue, a happy AND a sad one. But that would be when I can envision something befitting of this kind. 

(1) This line refers to a flashback that can was shown on Chapter VI: Sex and Carvings

To all my reviewers:

Thank you so much for your unending support and encouragement throughout this time, it really means a lot to me, spurring me on to continue my works. If not for you, I'd never complete this story, that's for sure! Thank you for everything.

Thanks to Jerjonji, Firuze Khanume, MissBehavin, Wistful-Eyes, Dustyfall. They have followed me throughout this entire journey, giving me invaluable support and encouragement. I needed it then, as I always do in future. Thank you very much.

Many thanks also to Cherry Whisper, Shiroi Hikari, Mary-Ann, mystal, TenkunoMeiou, Virgo Sapphire, goldmund, pu, Monkeystarz and Tsuki-san. You all are my pillars and the reason I haven't despaired. My sanity owes you a great deal. 

Haruko


	11. The Ending: Author's Note

Ending

After I've posted my last chapter, I truly didn't expect there to be so much fuss about it. Perhaps a few reviews or two telling me that they didn't enjoy it. To be honest, I really wasn't expecting flames, although I have gotten one or two before, and chose to ignore them.

To **Nakkie**, I'd like to explain and let you know that I'm not against flames. I'm not an author who is self-absorbed. I'm trying to be a writer that works and constantly tries to improve herself, though I do occasionally wonder if I'm wasting my time. I don't believe that there is any author who is not more sensitive than the Average Joe. To be writers, don't we have to be? I know I am. But it's this ability of having my heart on my sleeve that allows me to write. It's this ability that keeps me in touch with my emotions and my character's emotions. Hence I'd be truthful and tell you that I am slightly upset, but it's nothing thoroughly devastating. If anything else, you remind me that I can't please everybody, and you did teach me what my objectives of writing was – to express myself. I do believe that I lose touch of it sometimes, but both you and **Firuze** gave me a lesson I'd never forget. Thank you for that.

I do understand if any of you object to my ending. There are **three endings** in writing – happy ending, sad ending and no ending. I've chosen to go with the latter in an attempt to embrace the ethereal quality that I've been striving for, and to keep in touch with the theme of the story – realism in a fantasy environment. I've explained it earlier on, but I do feel a need to reemphasize this. **_My story, The Affair, is a story that is based on fiction and works through a dreamlike quality. _**Hence, it is through careful consideration that I decided to end off with the scenes in my mind. Unfortunately for the more hopeful readers, the scene that I came out with ended off with Kaoru standing triumphantly with all the confidence and strength in her being shining through. Enishi's reaction wasn't important because this story is about the affair, and the affair, truth be told, has ended in chapter V. The remaining chapters are an epilogue of sorts really.

To those who requested for an Epilogue, I did hit upon one, and was writing it halfway when I realized that couldn't. It's all up there, but it was all wrong. It didn't fit. You see, real life never fits with any epilogue because there's always an epilogue to the epilogue and so on and so forth. Life is never ending and the journey ever continuing, to capture this bit would simply be wrong. So forgive me for only having it half done, maybe one day when I want it, or when I feel it's bursting to be told, how about then?

To my greatest ally and supporter, **Firuze**, you fight my battles, you encourage me, you boost my morale, really, what would I be without you? I thank you for your lesson, for the knocks on the head. I'm leaving the reviews on because I've decided that every opinion belongs to them. As a writer, I respect their opinions, even though I would probably feel a tiny stab each time I read them. But as a friend, I'll just skip them and head for yours, -grinz- because you've always been my cheerleader throughout this story and beyond, and I can't live without it. Every letter, every review, every comment has touched me deeply. Thank you for going the extra mile, thank you for protecting my fragile psyche, thank you for just being you. It's made all the difference, it really has.

Finally, a great big thanks to all the other reviewers and fellow friends. **MissBehavin, Jerjonji **(my sister, what would I do without you?)**, Dustyfall, Wistful-Eyes, BelleDayNight, Tsuki-san, msytal.** This story is something dear to me because it was my breakthrough/water shed story. It allowed me to try new things, break new grounds with my style and comfort zone. Thank you for your constant encouragement and opinions. Without you, I think this story would have lost something important to it. You made it something worth looking back on, and I can't express my heartfelt gratitude any better than with a simple: Thank You.

**_This story has been such a journey, thank you for riding it with me, hope to see you on the next adventure._**

Love

Nigihayami Haruko


	12. Epilogue: Reprise

Epilogue of the Epilogue 

_Walking in the rain_

_The blue street lights softly reveal_

_Us facing each other_

_Quietly embracing_

He stared at the rain pattering down the window pane, almost wishing to slide the door open into the cold wet world.

A sigh.

There was not going to be sunshine today causing him to almost wonder if perhaps he should have remained in bed instead. Turning slowly to gaze at the bed room he has yet to accustom himself to, he paused to take in the slightly feminine decorations.

It has been a long time since he woke up in a lady's room. And an even longer time since he…

He shook his head of the morose thoughts and returned to the crying world beyond.

"_What can I get for you, on your birthday?"_

He heard his question, resounding in his head, reverberating in his heart. Would she ask him that, today, of all days? Would she demand that he returned the favour?

What did he want?

Hands snaked around his waist as a cold nose pressed gently on his shoulder blades while he reflexively tensed for a second before relaxing when he realized who it was.

After so long, after she broke his heart, he wondered if it would ever be the same again. Could he love the same way, could he devote his heart with the same intensity?

She sighed.

He guessed it did not really matter after all. You grow up, you learn, and you simply moved on.

_In this freezing storm_

_I remain by your side, praying_

_You'll understand_

… _my heart_

Was this his redemption, his reward for persistence and believing that he could give it all up that day, that fateful day at the auction? He must have mistaken her words when she wanted to be with him forever, she could not. They could not. There was too much history, too much sadness, too much wounds between them.

In the five years that they remained apart, both festering upon the past, he knew that there was no reconciliation to be made. His future didn't lie in Kamiya Kaoru, his physics teacher, his mentor, his desperate hope, his sinking love. No,… he knew.

Her small fingers brushed against the expanse of his taut stomach as she teased his ticklish spots, knowing when he was brooding again. He did that frequently on rainy days like this, but even more so on this day.

"I… I'm alright."

She opened her mouth to reveal pearly whites that sank gently into his skin leaving barely visible teeth marks.

"No you're not." She teased as she blew on his shoulder planes as the evaporating patch cooled his mind off the past. "You're thinking again."

He finally turned to look upon her for the first time that morning.

She was still as beautiful and breathtaking. He always thought that women turned haggard and drawn-out the older they got, yet all she was, was mesmerizing.

She laughed: A pure, unadulterated sound that he could never tire of for the rest of her life.

And he knew. He wanted to finally be able to leave the past behind, to face this future with her. With this her that he got to know and admire and love.

"You're not allowed to brood."

He would have smirked if it weren't for the pout that graced her lips. They only made him want to hold her closer to him and kiss the frowning muscles to a smile.

"And why is that so?"

An Eskimo kiss. His nose to hers was such a soft tap she almost couldn't feel it if it weren't for his hands running their way up and down her back.

"_Because,"_ her lips neared his "_it is_" they were so close he could feel her breath, as though they shared the same air, the same need "_your_" she paused, looking deeply into his eyes – aquamarine clashed with sapphire _"birthday, today."_

"Well then, shouldn't I be getting my present now?"

He closed the gap between their faces but wasn't fast enough for her quick reflexes.

Smirking, she pushed him away allowing his momentary surprise to dart out of his reach.

"Ah-ah! Not until you've dressed up and stop brooding!"

* * *

Freshly shaven sporting a thrown on shirt, he entered the dining room only to find it empty. Didn't she say that she would meet him there?

Then, he heard it – music.

Softly, it was coming from the living room. There she was, waiting for him, her arms outstretched.

The memories came crashing as he recalled the last time he danced. He never wanted to dance again. He never wanted his arms around a woman that way again. They reminded him of the times he spent apart from his love; of the final dance they had a teacher and student. It wasn't fair, how could she ask that of him today?

"Enishi, it's time."

Her beguiling smile and enchanting grace enticed him to take that step forward. But it was her compassionate warmth and gentle understanding which made him twine her in his embrace. He released a shuddering breath he didn't realize he was holding until the tension evaporated from his tortured mind.

He didn't know that he was holding all of that upon his shoulders until now, with her, swaying to the music, understanding only this need to be close to her.

"Happy Birthday."

She snuggled close to him, enjoying the heat between them in the slightly drafty room.

"I… I'm sorry."

His whisper was so soft, if it weren't for the fact that she was so close to him, she would have missed it entirely.

"I… I was so selfish." He needed this.

"You couldn't be with a child. You needed me to grow up. And I only… I only wanted you, Kamiya-sensei, not Kaoru. I didn't really _know_ Kaoru. It wasn't fair."

The only response he received of her silent encouragement was through the tightening of her arms around him and it was all the encouragement he needed.

"And now, I'm here with you… It's just us. No more teacher, no more student, no more taint or scars… I'm sorry I didn't understand it before."

A kiss on her hair.

"I'm sorry, I wasted so much time being angry, getting mad at you for something _I_ needed to do."

A kiss on her forehead.

"Now, now I'm **_sure_** that it is at your side where I wish to remain forever."

The room turned quiet except for the damping of her cheeks, her tears mingling with his as the music continued in the background.

On the mantle, a little above where they were, sits a lone wooden sculpture of a woman, her figure deftly portrayed with great attention to detail, so much so that even the scar on her nape was not forgotten, but tenderly added. She would have been perfect, if it were not for the jagged edges where it was put together after a vicious accident. And yet she was priceless in comparison to any other pieces of acclaimed art.

After all, she waspurchasedwith unconditional love.

* * *

"_Ne, Kaoru."_

"_Hai?"_

"_Do you think that the adopted girl finds her family in the end?"_

"… _why do you ask?"_

"_Because it would be rather sad if she doesn't right? Isn't true love supposed to prevail or something like that?"_

"… _I guess… something like that, then."_

"_Hey! That's not an answer."_

"_You're right… but Love's neither an answer, a question nor the destination. She'll find her family because Love is the journey, and it is that which she is traveling with."_

"_Hmm... Like us?"_

_A pause._

"_Yes... Yes. Like us."_

**The End. Really.

* * *

**

A/N: Alright. I know that it's been a long time coming, but here it is. I mentioned that I might be considering doing this, but I never really took myself that seriously because it just couldn't come out right. I'm hardly reading through this because it more or less came out in one setting. It's all because of **_Jerjonji_**. All credit goes to her because of the package she sent to me. That Rurouni Kenshin Profile book is my downfall. I couldn't find a better muse if I tried. My sister, you never fail to come through for me.

Well, I don't think that I'd be adding anymore to this story. There it is. It's finished. A heapful of thanks to all the readers and the reviewers. As always, I'm counting on you guys to tell me what you think. Since it's been such a while since I've last written, the style and my thought processes have changed. I've tried to go back and re-read it, but you know how it's like. This'll always remain one of my favourites, now it's left to you guys.

Haruko


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